Do you find yourself texting your ex? Do you text them to see how they’re doing? Do you text them when you want to share good news? Do you text them when you’re having a bad day? But how about if your ex has moved on to a new relationship or marriage? Or what if you’re in a new relationship or marriage yourself? It can be hard to detach from that person who you spent so much of you life with, but you must.
Most people have only a handful of attachment-based relationships. An attachment figure is a person who you rely on for validation and support, like a spouse or BFF.
The best way to DETACH from this person after a break up is by doing the stuff you already know…
Start dating again. Develop new interests. Create new relationships., etc, etc…
You’re having a bad day? Don’t text your ex. You just got great news? Don’t text your ex.
Oh! What’s that? You’re dating again? You’re in a new relationship? You have developed new interests?
Then ask yourself, what is driving my behavior to text or call my ex when I’m already in a new relationship? Do I really regret the breakup? Am I feeling guilty for the way things ended? Am I being spiteful? Am I jealous of my ex’s new relationship? Why am I upset they have moved on just like I did? Am I feeling less than because my ex is happy with someone else? Do I think that person is better than me? Am I employing manipulative vocabulary to get my ex to meet me? Why am I in a new relationship and suddenly now I have these feelings?
STAY IN YOUR LANE and if you can’t then seek professional help.
If you have moved on and are married or in a new committed relationship… then you definitely shouldn’t call or text your ex. Texting is private and discreet. And just like an affair, you’re giving someone else something that belongs to partner/spouse. Your new partner/spouse loves YOU. They married YOU. They’re in a relationship with YOU. You owe LOYALTY, HONOR and RESPECT to that person. It is sad, neglectful and an abuse of their trust for you to want to give your emotions to your ex. They want to take care of you. Don’t rob them of that. They want to listen to you and they would be devastated, hurt and betrayed to find out you’re contacting your ex for emotional support. You need to build trust with your new partner not destroy it.
RESPECT your new relationship, respect your ex and respect yourself. Learn what LOYALTY is. Be LOYAL to the relationship you’re in.
Want to know more about Texting and Dating? Click here for my upcoming class on Texting And Dating.