A piece about how to stop destroying your husband and your marriage has elicited plenty of attention this week, with some slamming the advice as completely antiquated. Although author Katelyn Carmen told The Huffington Post that she can acknowledge a difference in opinion when it comes to what makes a marriage work, she's sticking to hers.
Carmen's article -- which appeared on FamilyShare.com, a conservative website dedicated to helping men and women strengthen their marriages and families -- lists "five destructive things" she says will ultimately ruin a woman's relationship with her husband and offers tips for keeping the man happy. According to her advice, a woman should live within her spouse's means, never complain, always put her husband first and use sex as a "sacred tool" and never withhold it.
On the subject of never complaining, she writes:
Wives, show sincere appreciation and respect to your husband by carefully following a budget and making the most of what you have. Be wise about your finances.
Constantly complaining about not having enough to fulfill your lavish desires or racking up astronomical amounts of debt on your credit card is a poor way of saying "thank you" to a faithful spouse who works hard every day to provide for the family.
And when it comes to sex, Carmen doesn't really care if you're in the mood.
It is a great blessing to be wanted and needed by a loving, romantic husband who wants to share something so beautiful and important with you -- and you only. Even though you might not always be in the mood, it's worth it to give in (when you can) and spend that time bonding.
"It turns out that while I’ve spent all these years trying to make us happy, I should have been worried about making him happy. Why? I don’t know. Because penis, I guess," Meredith Bland wrote on Mommyish.
And Hemavathy DM Suppiah mockingly rephrased Carmen's words on MyLaunchpad. On Carmen's point about sex, she writes:
Men, susceptible creatures that they are, need lots and lots of physical affection. They cannot live without it and if you neglect your wifely duties, then he’s just going to go elsewhere, and you’ll be a bad, bad wife. Seriously, they’ll give you a trophy.
Never mind if you don’t feel well, or you’re tired, or just not in the mood, your husband’s needs surmount yours (refer to point no. 3) and it is your duty to give him all the pleasure he wants and needs.
When asked about the backlash, Carmen told The Huffington Post: "Some of the strongest emotions we experience as humans come from our relationships with the people we love. Strengthening our marriages and families should be two topics that people think about every day, but people don’t always agree on how that should be done."
"The advice I gave in this article was influenced by a variety of sources," she went on to say, "including my college studies and research -- I minored in marriage and family studies -- family therapists who contribute content to the site, my own marriage and advice from couples I know who’ve have had long, successful marriages."
Though the beginning of Carmen's FamilyShare.com article noted that her tips can also apply to men, she told HuffPost that an article will be coming out next week with advice specifically for men.
"Marriage is a partnership. My advice is just as important and relevant to men –- and we publish advice for both men and women on the site," she said. "As spouses, we should be willing to help one another as equal partners as we honor and serve one another. That, in turn, will bring the greatest likelihood of a successful marriage."