I’ve spent the last six months watching in horror as Donald Trump’s absolutely batshit campaign for president of the United States has taken our fair nation hostage, shaking my head the entire time and muttering “there’s no way he can win” with less and less confidence until it’s now become a desperate prayer I unconsciously find myself reciting at all hours of the day.
But the thing that I find even scarier than Trump himself is that when confronted by his unabashed racism, misogyny, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia and straight up stupidity, millions still intend to vote for him. It seems at this point, just three short months away from Election Day, Trump could swear a blood oath to the anti-Christ on primetime television (and I’m not entirely convinced this won’t happen at some point soon) and hordes of people would still gladly support him.
Faced with this absolutely barfy situation (there’s really no other way to describe it, is there? “Barfy” somehow perfectly captures that clammy, lightheaded, rotten feeling that immediately overtakes the body whenever Trump appears, no?) I’ve been trying to brainstorm specific ways ― beyond, obviously, voting for Hillary Clinton ― for each of us to help fight this certain and specific brand of evil now facing our country and I finally think I’ve come up with a halfway decent idea: let’s agree we won’t sleep with anyone who is a Trump supporter. Not now, not for the next three months ― hell, I’m willing to say never again if you are.
I admit that the idea isn’t exactly original ― the Greek playwright Aristophanes had it a few thousand years ago ― but it’s a damn good one.
People do crazy things for sex ― and they often do even crazier things when they’re rebuffed ― and maybe, just maybe, we can make America great again by saying no to that little “twink for Trump” (yes, sadly, that’s a real thing) who’s sweating us.
You might think I’m kidding but I’m not. Who we choose to fuck ― or not fuck ― is a dynamic form of cultural currency and just as other decisions we make in the bedroom can have implications and consequences outside of the bedroom, saying no to anyone who supports this beastly man and his dangerous campaign could have a real effect on the outcome of this election.
If the very thought of Trump in the White House hasn’t already killed your (literal or metaphorical) boner, you’re already way ahead of many of us. Don’t squander your erotic energy on anyone who would support this monster. The next time you’re about to hop into bed with a new partner, along with asking about their STI status and what gets them off the hardest, also ask who they plan on voting for in November. It’s an intimate question, sure, but an important one and if you aren’t satisfied with their answer, leave.
Don’t reward bad behavior. Start voting ― today! right now! ― with your body. Tell Trump and everyone that supports him that they can go fuck themselves because they certainly won’t be fucking you.
Editor’s note: Donald Trump