Stop Trying to Get Your Sexy Back


We could blame this post on authors like Terry McMillan and Vicki Iovine, who's writings have coached women through the times that have felt like the groove and sexiness is gone. But we shouldn't. We could blame this post on the men we've loved with wandering eyes and philandering ways. But we shouldn't. We could, as with all the ills of the world, blame this post on the media, because they sensationalize everything. After all, it really CNN's fault if I don't feel sexy, right?

Wrong. I've got a newsflash for women everywhere. If you feel that you are no longer sexy, if you feel that your sexiness is gone, it's not. You don't need to get your sexy back because you never lost it.

Every woman is sexy. Every woman has a goddess within. It doesn't matter her age, her size, or her hair color. What matters is that she knows it.There is a unique and powerful shift that happens in the minds of women as life happens. For some of us it's just the idea of getting older. For others, it's giving birth. And for many more women it's a life-changing career event or momentous occasion. Somehow along the way, we have connected life's pitfalls to the demise of our sexy.

About ten years ago, I had one goal - to get my sexy back. I had given birth three times, with two of those times being a c-section. My body had ugly scars, the sleep deprivation of parenting toddlers was visible in my eyes, and I had a thyroid that was totally out of control. The last thing I felt was that I was sexy. But the funny thing I've discovered is that even though I didn't feel it, that sexiness still existed within me. And that's a lesson that took me almost 10 years to learn.

Sexiness is not a temporary state of being, it is an acceptance of your personal power to create, share, and enhance your beauty from within. Sexiness, true sexiness, begins within and manifests itself as a power like no other. Here are some tips to help you remember your sexiness, no matter what:

1. Perform one act of pleasure for yourself every day. I mean this in a totally non-creepy way. (Unless that's how you roll, and if it is, do you.) For everyone else, savor 30 minutes to watch the sun rise. Make yourself a cup of hot tea. Light a candle. Do something at least once a day that brings you pleasure. Just for you.
2. Admire a photo from a time when you were living your best life and take on the energy of that picture. I heard something similar to this in a recent interview Oprah did on her popular show, Super Soul Sunday. An old friend one shared a photo of us on Facebook from the summer after we graduated from high school.


This picture represents everything I love about myself. I was young and carefree. I had my whole future ahead of myself, I was hugging one of my best friends in the world, and it was a really good hair day. The photo you use can be from any era in your life. Put it in a place where you will see it often, and believe the energy from that picture surrounds you now.
3. Be vulnerable to the process of the universe. Trust me when I tell you, being vulnerable is hard, but it is worth it. I personally believe that there are certain laws of the universe and vulnerability is one of them. I'm not even sure of the why, but I know when I opened myself up to both love and loss, I gained more love, peace, and joy than I ever had before.
4. Do the work from the inside out. Explore your fears, understand why they are your fears, and develop a plan for overcoming those fears. You can also do some soul searching to ensure you are walking in your purpose every day and manifesting everything your heart desires.
5. Pray for the happiness of others. When you tell those in your circle that you are praying for them, what exactly are you praying for? Usually, I've said those words when the people I love are faced with a health issue or some type of emotional distress. That night or early the next morning, I pray to God that they are delivered from whatever the problem in their lives was. Think of how amazing it is to pray for the happiness of others, even if they are already happy. Trust me, they can be happier, and even experience more joy, growth and love. As a result, your own light will shine a little brighter too.

The bottom line is this, you are sexy if you know you are, period. The challenge is on; own your sexiness and no matter what happens, maintain it.