In an era with audiences shifting from classical programmed TV to online fast content, unions created from arranged marriages to speed dating, companies working from an office to outsourcing and working from home, we understand that the world is transitioning from formal to informal, from local to global and time is the only value that has not been developed with a stagnant 365 days the a calendar.
A world in transition and a time value that is getting more precious by the day lead us to the deep frustration that the couples are facing when failing at creating a serene long term structure to hold the accomplishment of their love life in duo.
With a proved rate of only 51 percent of adults in USA being married, and a growing number of divorces all over the world, we understand that commitment to love is fading away.
The classical institution, where we raise children together with a husband and wife supporting each other in tasks that are limited to each one of the genders, is no longer up to date.
Now, the wife can work and earn her living and the husband can run his own house errands, which
allows both of them to live comfortably and independently IN or OUT of a household.
Resuming the couple and its co-dependance to one another, in these two tasks, can seem almost primal, but it is an important statement, in order to make a first step into understanding the shift that has occurred over the past century in the "couple's institution."
The reason couples struggle to stay together, is because their roles within the "contemporary couple" and what they bring to each other, is no longer as well defined as it used to be in an ancient version, also referred in this article, as the "classical couple."
Understanding the origin of our struggle, faces us to the inevitable thinking, of the importance to create a new structure, where adults who find love, can establish an environment where their
relationship can grow into a lifetime construction within their union.
Adults are no longer under the pressure to commit to each other, in order to find a Life Balance that half a century ago, we could only find within our couple.
Nowadays, each one of us is seeking an individual balance and growing in a couple is only possible when we are sharing the same vision, evolving in a common direction and supporting each other in the success of our mutual life accomplishments.
The evolution over the past 50 years clearly shows, that the focus of the populations has shifted from the commitment to build a couple and a family, to the commitment to find support in each other and build a successful life together.
This shift, is still invisible to most adults, and brings confusion in their couples, when they are desperately trying to build lasting relationships on the model of "the classical couple" and not understanding, where their high level of irritation and impatience towards their companion comes from.
It is essential to understand the new attributes of our Lifestyle and accept them, in order to create a new structure adapted to the needs of the "contemporary couple":
- We are no longer forced to be in a couple in order to socially succeed.
- We are no longer forced to live under the same roof to raise happy children.
- We are no longer bringing the surviving elements to each other,as genders are now set to be equally qualified to survive in this world.
If we understand all of these elements, we also understand that we need to adjust our expectations to the new form of our couple.
We need to build together a life partnership, communicating with each other to support intelligently a structure that should have the capacity to adapt and evoluate, as the world is constantly in movement, forcing us to react in order to move forward.
If our passion is no longer to the success of the classical family where we all live under the same roof if we want to be happy, then where did our passion drift to?
In an era where the couple is suffering from questionings due to a transitional structure and environment for love to grow happily, our commitment has shifted to what contributes to the development of our Lifestyle and brings us emotional stability as an individual.
Our commitment has shifted to our careers, because our jobs and projects contribute to our happiness.
The reason of being of this article:
We first have defined the present state of the couple's structure and environment of love.
Then we have spotted the shift of passion and commitment from family to career.
Humans are natural entrepreneurs.
We are all building our life. We build in order to create security in our Lifestyle. And as the family structure with its evolving and unclear present environment brings us uncertainty, people have naturally shifted their focus from their couples to their careers.
Investing in their career brings them an individual stability, when investing in a fragile form of a transitioning couple has become uncertain.
What is the solution, and where are we heading in our personal lives?
Even if couples struggle more and more into finding love, and shifted their focus to their successful professional lives, they still cannot seem to totally give up on the couple, as they constantly express their frustration to find love.
Even though they succeed in their professional lives, they still feel that something is missing in the fulfillment and accomplishment of their personal lives.
What if the solution came in this article?
Rather than just analyzing the situation and spotting the issue, what if we could bring an answer to to how to proceed with building a new structure, to host the "contemporary couple" in order to live and love happily together?
What if we could start solving the frustration that adults experience in their couple?
Well, the answer is in the analysis that we have just made.
If the passion and commitment has shifted from our couple to our career, bringing us success in our careers, then we should get inspired from our professional attitude to build and find stability in the new couple.
During the past decades, even the working environment has changed a lot.
But we have adapted successfully to it, thanks to all the coaching and teaching that has directed us in understanding and accepting the new "working environment."
They do teach us in school, how to succeed in international business; explaining the new financing structures and entrepreneurial techniques adapted to the present world. But there is no major on "International Love Affairs" and how to build a family adapted to the new globalization or contemporary environment.
Lets find Inspiration from the Commitment to our Careers, to create Love in our life.
The most iconic couples that have passed and succeeded through the most difficult times, are the couples that ran for presidency. And why is that? Simply because they had a Mission together with a clear Vision and Goals.
1. Finding a Life Mission.
Just as we do it in our professional life, we should find a life mission to our couple.
Building a couple's identity just as the mission statement for a company, helps us define who we are together and what we want to transmit as a couple.
Having a mission related to the identity of our couple brings passion into our life, together.
2. Setting up an Action Plan.
Just as any project, our couple starts from an idea to be together, for several reasons that have brought us to believe that we want to take this challenge, but we should turn this idea into a vision followed by an action plan.
Let us sit with our partner and envision the upcoming 5 years, setting a direction with goals to achieve.
Discussing the future, and facing in advance every possible obstacle makes us feel more secure towards our couple. It also prepares us to overcome the challenges of life together, keeping us away from doubts that may unconsciously pull us out of our couple.
3. Defining our Roles.
When we build a team to direct a project successfully, we assess complementary tasks to our team members.
First, to boost their productivity and second, to make sure they succeed in creating a peaceful teamwork environment.
We should apply these rules to our couple, considering our couple as a team with a goal to succeed a life project.
Redefining our roles within our couple gives us a mutual responsibility that is adapted to our new Lifestyle. It also gives us a feeling of existence, within the structure that we are building together.
4. Implementing Discipline.
Just as any job, career or project, establishing a routine helps us find ease in our productivity and in the development of our goals.
We must daily feed our couple with the connection that keeps us from drifting apart from each other.
Communication, affection and celebration of our couple should be part of our daily routine for it to become a necessity that we naturally express, rather than an effort, we make to please the other.
5. Communicating on our Fears and Doubts.
Trust and faith in our couple, starts with the freedom to discuss everyone of our fears as we face new obstacles either in our individual lives or in our mutual life project.
When we don't feel that we can have that level of communication, it creates weakness within our couple. We start seeking it somewhere else, creating external ties to comfort our doubts and fears.
6. Regularly analyzing our results and setting new goals.
Nothing is stagnant, we are in a continuous movement.
Just as any project, we need to constantly analyze our achievements as a couple, readjust our direction and set new goals to advance together.
In our big Life Project, we achieve many small projects together. Children, and a house are part of them but they should not be all.
If studies say that love only lasts 3 years, i profoundly believe that this number comes from the fact that it take on average 3 years for couples to achieve their first set goals, inspired by the norms of society.
But love can last forever, if we make sure to always have new projects and goals to achieve together.