‘Succession’ And No Love For Folks Who Post Film And Television Spoilers

I get it. You love TV. But please for the love of all things holy, stop posting spoilers on social media when not everyone is watching at the same time.
Jeremy Strong, Sarah Snook and Kieran Culkin on the latest episode of "Succession."
Jeremy Strong, Sarah Snook and Kieran Culkin on the latest episode of "Succession."
HBO

SPOILER ALERT: This piece is full of spoilers about “Succession” and other film and television programs. If you see a title pop up and you aren’t where you need to be in it, close the story. We’re not responsible for your bottom lip poking out.

Last night, I made the rare decision to catch a late-night show of “Air,” because the way this 40-something is set up, there’s a good chance the movie would’ve ended up watching me.

During the movie, a USA Today news alert popped up on my phone, informing me of a “major death” on the newest episode of “Succession,” which aired while I was heading to the show. Because I’m intimately aware that you fools don’t know how to act on social media, I stayed away from the internet altogether…which I shouldn’t do for long since that’s how I make my living.

So, instead of visiting “The Sandman” as planned, I was up until 2 a.m. watching solely to avoid spoilers. It’s why I can barely keep my eyes open to write this.

What I wasn’t expecting is for one of the country’s largest major metropolitan newspapers to get in on the “Succession” spoilers. I get staying away from social media before a show is spoiled, but honestly, who’s reasonably expected to avoid this damn headline?

I give no quarter to people who spoil film and television. I want these idiots to be pushed off the tallest buildings in the stormiest cities and fall on a strychnine-laced soup spoon. This admittedly aggressive energy bubbled back up a couple weeks ago, a few hours after the latest episode of the last season of FX’s “Snowfall” aired.

As soon as I cracked my laptop, I saw someone cussing out “Snowfall” spoilers on Facebook. Since I essentially need to be on social media for work, it means I had to watch the episode immediately, at 8 a.m., with my morning coffee. Indeed, the episode ended with one of the series’ most beloved characters, Jerome (Amin Joseph), meeting his end.

Immediately after finishing the episode, I went right back to my Facebook feed and saw someone posted a fake Uncle Jerome obituary. I told the poster off in her comments, and she responded with “my bad” and several emojis. Of course, she never actually took the post down.

While I don’t fully understand the thinking of humans who move like this, I can only conjecture that it has to do with the psychological need for some people to be first on social media. It’s that interplay of brain chemicals ― dopamine and oxytocin ― that causes folks to be excited about morbid shit like being the very first person to announce the death of a celebrity with a prosaic quote and a few flying dove emojis.

J. Smith-Cameron (left) and Culkin in "Succession."
J. Smith-Cameron (left) and Culkin in "Succession."
HBO

Of course, the very existence of social media is at the core of spoiling issues ― you would’ve had to be in the company of someone blabbing about who shot J.R. if you weren’t in front of your tube for the reveal. These days, networks actually take advantage of “live-tweeting”, when actors and showrunners of a program engage Twitter users during the episode’s airtime. Live-tweeting was a significant catalyst for the buzzy success of “Scandal.”

I blame this for actors overzealously spoiling their own shows on social media. “Snowfall” lead Damson Idris tweeted (and since deleted) the requisite appreciation for working with Joseph a day after the episode aired ― a surefire giveaway that his character died. My guess is someone at FX yelled at him to take the tweet down because, c’mon, one day is not enough.

The inconvenient reality is that abstinence from social media is essential to avoid spoilers; it’s not what we want, but it’s the way it is. It was my fault when, after exiting a flight from Las Vegas that was in the air when the “Red Wedding” episode of “Game of Thrones” aired, I opened Facebook and saw “ROBB STARK IS DEAD!” on my way to the baggage carousel. I should’ve known better.

Releasing whole television seasons at once also changed the spoiler game: Netflix dropped the full season of “Lilyhammer” in 2012, but binge-worthy television didn’t become a phenomenon (and something of an expectation) until the first season of “House of Cards” dropped the following year.

Now, the likelihood that you’ll have major show plot points spoiled is contingent upon if your lifestyle precludes you from murdering an entire Friday in front of the television. “Old-school” shows like HBO’s “The Last of Us,” with their weeklong excitement builds between episodes, are refreshing again.

The Washington Post published a piece last year in defense of spoilers; the author suggests that there’s a “pleasurable tension” that comes along with knowing the result of something before watching it to put together the threads. My guess is the author doesn’t have too many friends ― great material with a lot of threads that you don’t catch the first time around demands a rewatch anyway.

Fewer things are more divisive and subjective than the statute of limitations for spoilers. But I think most would agree that material that’s been out for years is fair game: The murder of Stringer Bell in Season 3 of “The Wire” is no longer a spoiler after 19 years; it’s your fault you haven’t watched. And don’t dare complain about “cultural touchstone” spoilers, like Darth Vader revealing he’s Luke’s dad in “The Empire Strikes Back” or Bruce Willis’ character being dead the entirety of “The Sixth Sense.”

For a television show, I think the statute expires after a week, when the next episode airs. Given that, if you wish to discuss spoilery content on social media and you aren’t actively choosing violence, simply preface your post with “SPOILER ALERT,” drop a few spaces to avoid accidental views and get into it. Or announce that you’ll discuss in the comments of the post.

Don’t post details about a character’s fate that you think are vague but anyone who graduated middle school and has a functioning understanding of the show can surmise ― that’s worse than people who spoil outright. In fact, if you have any doubt about if you should be posting something, just drop a “Damn, that episode was cray-cray and keep it pushing.

It really comes down to not being an asshole. If you post a massive spoiler within 24 hours of a show airing or a film’s release, I’ll just interpret it as an act of violence and respond accordingly. The sanctity of your mama probably won’t be safe.

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