“Suck it, Goose—What’s Good for Gander Only Good for Gander,” Gander Says.

Despite ruffling quite a few feathers, the Gander has not recanted or backed down from what some consider to be insensitive comments.

“When I said ‘suck it’ I meant suck it,” Gander said. “This is not socialism. This is a free market where Goose has the opportunity to tend to her own personal and unique needs. Policy cannot be built around just one segment of the gaggle.”

“I am a compassionate and merciful bird,” he continued. “It only seems the opposite because Goose is unfledged to the joy of good choices and the empowerment that comes from taking personal responsibility. The thought of how happy she will be foraging for breadcrumbs while I migrate south during harsh conditions gives me me-bumps.”

Gander repudiates public criticism that this stance defies a logical line of reasoning; since the Gander and Goose are of the same species, it follows that what is good for one must also be good for the other.

“No,” Gander honked. “You loons don’t know how to listen! What’s good for me is just good for me. Me me me me me me me.”

Goose was sad and sick and thus unavailable for comment.

More from Mellini Kantayya at www.mellinikantayya.com

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