Little-known fact: The Constitution does not require that the Speaker of the House be a member of Congress. This got us thinking -- always dangerous, but also fun. Why should those wild and crazy Republicans, whose caucus is reminiscent of the Washington Nationals' dugout, elevate one of their own to that august chair? Why not think way out of the box to find a new leader?
Since we at First to Last live way out of the box, we are glad to be of assistance. Here are our nominations:
| RANK | CANDIDATE | |
|---|---|---|
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ERIC CANTOR Can STILL become the first Jewish speaker. But now he'd have to take a YUGE pay cut to take the job he once coveted. |
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MITT ROMNEY Maybe it's Mitt's time at last. The GOP's raucous caucus could really use a technocratic efficiency expert to plot a new path. However, he’d have trouble counting above 47. |
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KIM DAVIS Pulled off a secret meeting with the pope, so she's already on her way to mastering the House Republican caucus' cloak-and-dagger ethos. |
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GEORGE WILL An Anglophile of the first water, he would love the job and look GREAT wearing one of those white powdered wigs. |
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THE KOCH BROTHERS Like a pair of Roman consuls, they could govern jointly. (We take backseat to no one in our classical erudition here at First to Last.) |
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KANYE WEST Talk about improving the House's speaker system. So many mic drops, so many mic drops. He is REALLY RICH and recently called loony Dr. Ben Carson “brilliant.” |
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MEGYN KELLY This is actually a GREAT idea. |
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SHELDON ADELSON Why not just eliminate the middlemen? Bibi at every happy hour. |
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ROGER AILES Donald Trump has brought Fox News a lot of pain, so maybe Ailes would like the more easily-programmable tranquility of the World's Most Backstabby Deliberative Body. |
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HUNGARIAN PRIME MINISTER VIKTOR ORBAN You want to keep immigrants out, or throw them out? This guy knows how to lay concertina wire and make hysterical historical references. |
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TUCKER CARLSON It’s a large room; it needs a very large ego. |
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RUSH LIMBAUGH Suggested that NASA is a plot to advance a leftist agenda, and that the agency fabricated discovery of flowing water on Mars. He is SO ready to be the speaker. |
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TED CRUZ He's already so constantly up in the House's business. He’s practically de facto speaker as it is. Give him the actual job -- and watch him squirm. |
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CURT SCHILLING A baseball pitcher who thinks he is Arnold Toynbee is a preposterous and really scary thing. But perfect for the GOP! And maybe he can help in another way: Dems have won the LAST SEVEN CONGRESSIONAL BASEBALL GAMES. |
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NEWT GINGRICH This is where we came into the movie. |
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