Anyone can say anything. Anyone can come up with a line. With a gift bag gab of wisdom, knowledge and confidence, someone can really cover the world and be quite deceptive. There are those that do it. They make it bad for the rest.
I woke up this morning, full of doubt. There's the excitement on the one hand of feeling that I have met someone who has that intelligence, who has that drive, who has that discipline, strength, and ability to work hard. Then, the doubt creeps back in and says, "But I don't really know. I don't really know who he is. I hear what he says, but anybody can say anything."
The doubt, the fear, that the woman's neediness can surrender and oblige the man's desire. Yet, once attained, the man can disappear like an alligator does, after his strike. Back into the murky waters with prey in his mouth. Which won't be in his mouth for long because it will be digested once its chopped into smaller gulps that quickly go down into the reptile's belly. This is what I wake up with and I hear my father's words from long ago and repeated throughout this life, "Just make sure you get yours."
This man's intelligence and ability commands others to pay him for his wisdom in a certain compartment of life, allowing him the freedom to be a master of his own domain. His personal and social skills have created an able service that paying client's use to make their own lives better and easier.
"Just make sure you get yours." This fear that we had six delightful hours on the phone, then five hours on a date, half of which were uncomfortable when pushed out and beyond my comfort zone. Then another two hours on the phone ... that's thirteen hours ... and another three hours the next night on the phone, sixteen hours of conversing with someone who gave me tons of grist for the mill, food for thought, and other proverbial descriptions of life's experiences.
If that man comes over and if he can do what he says he can do, I can always say, "Not enough, I'm not feeling it." The fear of a Ted Bundy, a man so slick, casual, handsome and beautiful who can go under the radar until it's too late. How many Ted Bundys exist? Not many, because evil, when it appears in a human being, usually eats the person up. In many ways, there are warning signs if one is sensitive.
When I wake up with doubt, is it my intuition about the truth of this man's character, that he is not to be trusted, or is it just the fear that I have been raised with and has been stuffed into me from all that I have read and watched and heard throughout my 49 years about the ways that man can deceive a woman to get what he wants.
But I have to find out as I take baby steps into the future, moment by moment, from this day forward.
(Then on Tuesday 10/20/09 Oprah's topic is about a man who infected over 9 women with HIV and is now in jail for 45 years because the woman who'd been in a relationship with him the longest -- while he was going out and about, infecting others -- organized the bunch to take this man to justice. Sunday morning's unconscious fears poignantly and clearly illuminate that such fears are warranted with men that are good communicators and act endearing to get what they want.)
What's a woman to do?
What's a good, communicating man who really cares about a woman to do?