Surviving St. Paddy's FAQ: Leprechauns, Getting Lucky and Pint Pouring

We thought you might have some of the same burning questions we had about that special day so we compiled all our research for you in a green-themed FAQ.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

It's St. Paddy's Day! OK not quite, but almost.

We thought you might have some of the same burning questions we had about that special day so we compiled all our research for you in a green-themed FAQ. Clark and Sarah will be celebrating this magical holiday in Ireland so be sure to check out our behind the scenes of the parade and the festival instagramming @revlmassive and tag us your own candids #getgreen.

How do I find a Leprechaun?

In addition to looking for the perfect parade viewing spot, you may be wondering "how do I find a leprechaun." I know we were. Given that we had no idea how to go about this, we spent at least ten minutes searching the Internet and compiled the best advice we found for you.

Step One: The Equipment -- Find a net or build a trap

According to some website for Moms, you should build a trap and then decorate it with green stickers and glitter. This lead Sarah to wonder if many of the girls who went out on St Paddy's were walking Leprechaun traps. Alternatively, you could just get a big butterfly net, like a REALLY BIG ONE, and put some Lucky Charms under it to lure the little man in. Although we were a little concerned about this approach considering that with the amount of beer consumed someone might get confused and trap a small child. It's easy to do seeing as how they also like lucky charms, are short, and enjoy wearing green.

Step Two: The Finding -- Look for tracks/ Check near lawn gnomes

Apparently Leprechauns leave small doll sized prints or other types of tracks. Think Chucky but with more money involved. What you want to do is follow the tracks and keep your eyes peeled. If you are anywhere that has nature or a bar crawl, they tend blend in on account of all that green. We read that one place to check is near lawn gnomes. This is because sometimes Leprechauns get confused and start talking to lawn gnomes thinking that they are real gnomes. Can you blame them? It's happened to the best of us.

How do I get Lucky?

Not only is St. Paddy's a celebration of all things green, it's also a day of courtship. It's spring and in addition to the daffodils, libidos are emerging. It's that celebrated time of year when young men put on shamrock pants and women squeeze into green baby tees. We'd like to say that on St. Paddy's there is someone for everyone, but that would be a lie. Just like any other day, there can still be some stiff competition.

So how do you make yourself stand out? Don't worry, we got you. Nothing gets the ladies, or sometimes the men, going like a demonstration of athletic prowess. You will not have enough room in the public house for a good rugby tackle so go for second best. Yes! The Riverdance!

The problem with Riverdance is it's trickier than it looks. Try getting more ups than Michael Jordan while kicking yourself in the ass. Clark did and hasn't been walking the same since.

Before performing this maneuver you are going to want to check the following things:

- Is the ceiling high enough? Concussions sustained from doing the Riverdance pogo stick are only going to slow you down.

- Do your shoes have good traction? The floor is going to have some serious spillage at this point. Make sure whatever you have on your feet is up to the challenge.

What do I do if the barman goes down and I have to pour the perfect pint for hordes of screaming people wearing green?

So there you are, waiting for your pint when suddenly your bartender slips on a puddle of Jameson the size of the Atlantic and goes down like a sack of potatoes. What do you do? Your internal dialogue is screaming "MUST GET PEOPLE PINTS" so you grab the person next to you and use them to help you vault over the bar. However, upon arriving at the draft beer taps you are dismayed to realize you have no idea how to operate this thing.

How to Pour the Perfect Pint (appended from a great video tutorial courtesy of the Guinness Storehouse)

1 - Grab the Right Damn Glass
First of all make sure it's clean and not a shot glass. If you can find the one that makes your beer look like it's in a corset -- aka the tulip glass -- you are golden.

2 - It's All About Angles and Percentages
Remember your protractor? You are going to want to employ those geometry skills by holding your beer at a 45 degree angle to the tap. Fill the beer up about 3/4 of the way or until you get to about the harp thingy if you are using an actual Guinness Glass.

3 - Take a Time Out
We know, everyone looks like if they don't get their beer soon it might be the end of the world as they know it. Tell them to RELAX because this beer is going to need to settle for about two minutes. Explain that like their exes, the nitrogen bubbles will be trying to get back with the rest of the beer. Eventually, they will be DENIED and forced to chill at the top.

4 - Finishing Touches
Now that everything is settled, top that puppy off by adding some more beer until the top looks like a dome. Now hand it over to some happy person in green and high five yourself for a job well done.

Where do I go if I suddenly have some extra green prior to St. Paddy's Day?

Go to Switzerland. Just kidding. Go to Ireland, duh. Some people like to say that Americans invented the debauchery that surrounds St. Patrick's Day. That's probably true, but who cares. Whoever invented it, the Irish are now better at celebrating than we are. This is probably due to the fact that they have actual Irish people at their parties and access to places that make things like Guinness and Jameson. It's a no brainer. Should you find yourself with some spare green, head over there and join the festivus (and Clark and Sarah) to celebrate in high Irish style.

If you can make it, come find us and we can do things like this together:

Get on a parade float shaped like a shamrock
Throw green potatoes at each other
Get our Guinness Storehouse Festivus on
Trick each other into eating black pudding

See you in the green! And if you can't make it watch our behind the scenes on instagram @revlmassive and hashtag your instagram photos with #getgreen so we can see you.

Go To Homepage

Popular in the Community