The holidays are often assumed to be filled with happiness, love, and connection, but it’s not always this way. Even when things are going well, this time of the year can include stress, depression, and anxiety. This can even worsened by a relationship that is struggling. The pressures of acting like you’re happy, even when you’re not, can be crushing. However, there is a balance that you can strike. In this balanced place, you can remain connected and authentic, without burying the challenges that your relationship is facing.
Relationship problems don’t disappear simply because the holidays have come around. Whether it’s general dissatisfaction, anger, or other life issues that have cut into your relationship, those problems won’t go away simply because Christmas season has come around. If you’re relationship is at a place where you can compromise with each other, you can use this to your advantage. You can discuss what should be kept private, how much time you’re spending with various family members, and where you are going to get your support from.
When you have an understanding with your partner, you are both more likely to avoid increased resentment and frustration. This can help to set a tone of future re-connection. It shows that even when you’re struggling, you care about the experience of your partner.
On the other hand, if compromise is much more difficult, you’re much less likely to have such an ability to discuss various situations. In these situations, minimizing further pain and damage may be the best that you can do. Recognize your relationship weaknesses, while being honest with yourself about what you can handle. This means that you might need help negotiating, and discussing this time of year. You might also need help figuring out the next best steps for you and your relationship.
Families tend to take sides.
I have seen even the most dysfunctional families stand behind their most ostracized family members when there is a struggling relationship. This can create two problems. If you’re looking to make your relationship work, it can feed into a pressure that you should use anger and resentment as a weapon. It can also make it more difficult for your family and partner to reconnect down the road.
However, it can also be important to confide in someone. This might be a friend. For some, it also might be a family member. Whether or not you share this with a family member really has to start with you. You have to decide what will feel most authentic, and whether or not you can trust that person with the information about your relationship.
If you do share your struggles with a family member, be sure that this is someone who will respect your privacy. Also, be sure to tell this person what you need, and why you’re sharing this. It might simply be that you want someone to be aware, so that you have some support and validation. Or you might want some advice. Either way, share your expectations, so they’re better able to help.
It’s OK to be unhappy and to struggle.
Any great holiday commercial will sell a message that says that this is the happiest time of year. For those who are struggling, this can create a serious amount of dissonance. What makes it worse is that many don’t talk about the struggles that they’re having. This can leave people who are struggling feeling very alone.
It’s important to know that you’re not alone. It’s not abnormal or weird to struggle at this time of year, or at any time of the year. Relationships are tough. Sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. Your relationship status doesn’t go on a perpetual hold until after the holidays.
This is why support is so important. By finding someone who won’t judge you, you’ll be better able to make it through the holidays feeling less scarred. You may just also further identify what you want for your relationship in the coming year.