"I mean, I don't want to come off as ungrateful or anything," Ahmed Wasem stated to a reporter awkwardly as he was asked about coming from Syria to America.
"It's just that, you know, I'm not sure America is the best LONG term choice for me and my family."
Ravaged by civil war, Syria's citizens have been trying to escape their home country in large fleets in search of a better, safer and more tolerant life. Even so, Ahmed Wasem isn't convinced that America is the right place for him.
"Don't get me wrong, America has plenty great things going on. Uhh, I mean, I heard they're starting to serve breakfast all day at McDonalds? That's pretty cool, I guess. It's just that, you know, umm, some of the other countries seem like they might be a better fit down the road," the father of four sheepishly stated as he attempted to avoid eye contact.
When asked what exactly about the future he was worried about, Ahmed groaned audibly and elected to get real with the reporter.
"Look, the host of Celebrity Apprentice is the frontrunner right now. After that, it's a 67-year-old woman who can't figure out how emails work, then a black neurosurgeon who is somehow both intolerant and worse at science than me."
Ahmed paused for a moment and then continued.
"Is Assad bad? Yes, of course he is. But, like look at some of the quotes Ted Cruz has. Plus, that dude just has such a punchable face."
When asked about Bernie Sanders, Ahmed simply shrugged and stated he didn't know who he was.
"Oh wait, I think I saw a Facebook status about him. Yeah I don't know..."