The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
To the women who make bangs look good: How dare you
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 13, 2020
It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress. I'm going there in person tomorrow to see what's really going on.
— Tony Starch (@_CakeBawse) January 15, 2020
men be like I’m bilingual I speak English and over women
— Arely (@arelygabriela_) January 13, 2020
I have a lot of deep seated flaws but thank fuck I don’t have that gene that makes cilantro taste like soap
— raecation paoletta🌴🥥 (@PAYOLETTER) January 13, 2020
every time I wear a backpack and use both straps I feel like Frodo fucking Baggins setting off from the shire
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 16, 2020
it should be illegal for netflix to start playing previews of scary murder shows when i am simply on the homepage trying to decide on a romcom
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 16, 2020
You know what, I’m 25, if I get beaten up by a 3rd degree black belt, that’s on me.
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) January 15, 2020
There are three kinds of pajamas: the ones you actually sleep in, the ones you wear only when you’re trying to be sexy, and the ones you wear to the grocery store
— Addison Peacock (@Addison_Peacock) January 15, 2020
Every time I try a new hairstyle it’s like playing Russian roulette with my happiness for the next 6 weeks.
— Gena-mour Barrett (@SmileGena) January 11, 2020
when i go to a party and i only know one person pic.twitter.com/gParHjg9FN
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) January 12, 2020
“I GoTTa tELL u SoMeThInG bUt DONT GeT MaD”
— ugly and sad ♡ 🅙 (@SpookyGothLoser) January 13, 2020
first of all,
I’m already mad since you told me not to get mad.
“I hope this email finds you well.”
— Professor Charles Nigxavier (@Steph_I_Will) January 15, 2020
It didn’t. What do you want? pic.twitter.com/kjOWWWmybJ
Me: I’m going to get so much done today
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 15, 2020
Netflix: Bitch you thought
just watched little women, now I might fuck around and wear a petticoat
— ziwe (@ziwe) January 11, 2020
i miss when the academy went batshit and gave lord of the rings 17 oscars
— mary goore (@dunwaIl) January 13, 2020
[drinking a cup of coffee for 3 minutes temporarily forgetting about every other part of my life]
— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) January 16, 2020
things are really going great for me
hello*
— jamieloftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) January 15, 2020
*is everyone mad at me
My favorite part of Sunday is changing from my house sweatshirt to my going out sweatshirt then back to my house sweatshirt
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) January 12, 2020
One time when I was like 11 my dad took me to an Italian restaurant and the waiter asked what my name was and I said “Sam but you can call me captain ravioli” and my dad just looked at me and said “what the fuck was that? don’t do that” and I’ve been chasing that high ever since.
— Samantha Ruddy 👩🍳 (@samlymatters) January 15, 2020
[drinking a cup of coffee for 3 minutes temporarily forgetting about every other part of my life]
— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) January 16, 2020
things are really going great for me
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