No matter what could have or should have occurred during the midterm elections, the past few months have pointed us toward an inescapable political truth: it is time to take back our tea.
We cannot let reactionary forces, who for the longest time didn't even know their nickname was a reference to a rather novel expression of intimacy, continue to gain even the slightest hold on the voting public by associating themselves with a soothing hot beverage.
The only solution is for the Democrats to have their own demented, irrational splinter group; and be it hereby known that it has arrived.
Let those other crazies make spurious, knee-jerk associations with an act of rebellion by our early colonists in 1773. You have to figure the tea on that boat in Boston Harbor back then was Earl Grey, or maybe English Breakfast. Caffeinated to say the least. But we are nearing the millennium shift of 2012. We are a more evolved people. We watch Oprah and do yoga and read The Power of Now. And boy are we pissed off and ready to kick some butt, New Age style.
We are the Herbal Tea Party!
And here is our ten-point manifesto:
James Napoli is an author and humorist. More of his comedy content for the Web can be seen here.