Tammy Lynn Michaels To Ex Melissa Etheridge: 'Sideswiped And Left Mangled'

When Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels announced their breakup last month after nine years and two kids together, Melissa insisted the split was mutual. Tammy hinted otherwise on her blog, but a February post she wrote about being crippled and bleeding was subsequently deleted.

In a new poem on her blog, Tammy is airing her anger and hurt, uncensored.

no more censorship for me?

well, no censorship?
really, honey?

things can be a long time coming
to one
and smash the hell out of
hit and run
not even staying to clean up the mess

secrets, with-holding,
whispering to all but
the one whom holds the vows
and the toddlers

disappearances into the
hourglass-shaped wood with strings
never to finish a fight
never interested in clarifying,
making sense, making it right
even finishing the fight
more interested in making something rhyme
time after time after time
and later angsting that you and me, WE
it didn't work out
you evolved
you needed to be happy-
but really... you withdrew your hands
from family and intimacy
to pluck those strings more

i'd rather hear 10,000 fans
screaming my name in worship
than hear my wife harp on me
about my family intimacy issues too,
you know?
which one is going to get me harder?
easy answer

sideswiped and left mangled
up to my eyes in toilet training toddlers
and sounds of a guitar wailing
letting me know
you would probably leave me soon
i know those heart-ache wails by now

i even told you it was a break up album
and you laughed at me
you laughed and laughed
i heard fearless and i got sick
"that's your break up song with me"
i said to you
you got so angry with me, remember?
and stomped off

so thank you for telling an interviewer
that you WON'T censor me on my blog
(i thought i was to say nothing, my bad)
i was so unhappy thinking people dare look at me
and think that i consider
a marriage and forever to be
nine years or six years or whatever
and i gave up on everything
and just walked off
never is that me... nope, never

cuz i did not go anywhere, honey.
and you and i both know it
please stop telling the press it was mutual-

my birthday rolled around,
the holidays....
and me and the twins sat right there waiting...
we didn't go anywhere. we just
sat and waited and waited and waited and waited.....

"i saw you with your new friends....
you wear them so well...."

i think you're saying it's okay
to be more open now on this blog?
good. cuz sitting on the fence of
"speak true"
"say nothing"

fucking rides a pole so far up my ass it nearly pierces my brain, and i can't take it anymore, now that i am back home where people don't live in the smoke and mirrors.

oh, and don't let me forget this.

i still love that damn woman so much, i'm still trying to stop. i had a dream last where honey and i were fighting and going to get a divorce, and i woke up sobbing.... then i realized. oh. it's true. and then what do you do? when the horrible feeling in the dream gets to stay even after you wake up?

there. there is my truth as of today.

home again.
home again.
feeling true.
feeling honest.