Did you know that September is Prostate Cancer Awareness
month? More and more men in our social realm are affected by prostate cancer.
In the past year, six men close to us, all sexually active, fit men in their
early 50s to mid 60s, had their prostate removed. Depending on the type
of procedure, skill of surgeon and stage of cancer, they may or may not
experience erections again.
Does this mean their sex life is over, and the days of
orgasms are gone? Well, no. It might not be the same it was, ejaculation and
all, but there still can be sexual bliss and orgasm, with or without an
erection!
Talking to these men started us on a quest to bring more
awareness to the subject. Women have a myriad of support resources about breast
cancer. But for men there is not much out there. Prostate cancer and the
aftereffects of its treatment shake the very place where many a man defines
himself. Not being able to have an erection and penetrate his partner is
devastating for his manhood, self-esteem and confidence. The sad thing is that
hardly anybody talks about it! Shame and embarrassment abound, and the subject
is shoved under the rug.
We have been teaching Tantra workshops for
over 10 years. We know a wide range of practices for mind-blowing sex with or
without an erection. However, essentially Tantra is not just about sex
techniques but the entire human being and a way of life.
Surviving a life-threatening disease often brings about
personal transformation. What was important before is no longer meaningful.
Life’s pace slows down, and even the mundane and trite moments become sacred.
Looking into our partner’s eyes touches us at the bottom of our heart, and
sexual union transforms into a meeting of two divine beings. Letting go of the
past, we experience this moment; pure, new and fresh. Letting go of the future,
we forget the goal. These are tantric practices for living more ecstatically,
and when we apply them to sexual intimacy, the sky is the limit in terms of ecstatic,
orgasmic experiences!
Sexual satisfaction and orgasms are not dependent on hard or
wet genitals. When two lovers are deeply in tune with each other energetically,
their intimacy can become the portal to the great bliss of tantric union rather
than ending in the fleeting gratification of ejaculation. Remember Sting’s
infamous seven-hour lovemaking sessions? Do you really think that he sported an
erection the entire time? There are options, and many ways to make love!
Don, a retired scientist, had a prostatectomy seven years
ago. “One of the first steps in my healing process”, he said, “was to accept
that I could not get an erection, and that I really wanted one. I desperately
wanted to find a way for his penis to get hard again.”
Finally, after about three years, he tried intracavernous
injection therapy, injecting medicine into his penis before intercourse. It
worked; he got an erection. But to his surprise his orgasm was a completely new
experience. Rather than the orgasm of brief throbbing and ejaculation, it
continued for many minutes, and sent waves of ecstatic vibrations through his
whole body and that of his partner. By accident he discovered what we call a
full body orgasm. Curious about the experience, Don and Jane attended several
of our workshops and learned about the physiology of the body’s ecstatic
response and the spiritual-sexual connection. They explored tantric practices
that apply to their everyday life, and their intimate loving.
Nowadays when they make love he might use the injections, or
not, and it is satisfying all the same. Jane tells me that their sex life is
the best it’s been in their 30-year marriage! While Don certainly was not happy
about his cancer, he is grateful for getting a different outlook on life, and a
new perspective on what his body is capable of. He is thankful for being open
to learn new ways of making love and relating to his wife. And above all, he is
happy to be alive.
For those men unable to get erections after prostate
cancer treatment, Western medicine provides various options for the physical
part of having sex. From the tantric perspective there are many ways to
connect with our ecstatic selves, with our without the medical help. To
experience high sex is a transformational journey, not dependent on the
prostate, and it enriches not only our sexual activities but our entire life.
It is our sincere wish to
start a conversation about this important subject and to encourage each and
every one of us to talk about it and create community and support for all those
affected by prostate cancer.
Are you interested to learn more about specific techniques,
or have any questions or comments? Feel free to contact
Lokita and Steve Carter at info@ecstaticliving.com
or visit our website at ecstaticliving.com or connect with us on Facebook.