A Southwest Florida teacher was injured supervising the lunch hour when a fish -- yes, a fish -- fell from the sky.
A Naples High School employee told HuffPost the fish, since identified as a mackerel, got the unnamed educator "pretty good" when it plunged from above September 24 in what NBC2 reported as an "airborne assault."
But the fish allegedly didn't act alone. Since the Naples High campus is just about a mile from the Gulf of Mexico, the victim and school resource officer Cpl. Jim Brown deduced that a bird must have dropped its lunch when the assailant got wriggly.
But there were puns to be had, so Cpl. Brown, a member of the Collier County Sheriff's Youth Relations Bureau, wrote a humorous "incident report" of the crime, describing the suspect as "height 15”, weight 16 oz, eyes black, hair none, multi colored skin, scars multiple, undercut jaw."
The suspect was later identified as Scomberomorus maculatus, (Atlantic Spanish Mackerel) A.K.A “Mack.” He was found lying on the ground possibly attempting to conceal himself out in the open. I took control of the suspect without incident and escorted him to the clinic where he was positively identified by the victim.
While speaking with the victim she advised: “I was watching students when all of a sudden I was struck in the head by this flying fish. I yelled, ‘Holy Mackerel, what just happened?’”...
I made contact with Principal Dr. Graham at Naples High and showed her the suspect. I advised her at this time he might be arrested for battery on school employee (Florida Statute 784.081 (2) (c)).
Suspect “Mack” was escorted back to my office, where I advised him of Miranda warning. He “clammed up” (being from the ocean) and refused to answer any questions or make any statements. The victim did not fill out a sworn statement or wish to press charges. She only advised that “something fishy is going on here.” The suspect was released with further investigation required...
We are grateful here that it was not a flying cow, as injuries would be more severe and the teacher might have screamed “Holy cow, what was that?” We will still be on the lookout for “when pigs fly,” though.
According to the Collier County Sheriff's Facebook page, where Brown shared his heroic capture, the teacher escaped with a slight headache after being "cleaned up" following the attack.
While fish aren't normally bombing schools, the unfortunate instructor isn't the only victim of an airborne fish in recent years. A woman kayaking in the Florida keys suffered a punctured lung in 2010 when what officials believe was a houndfish leapt from the water and struck her in the chest.
And this summer, a woman boating on the Suwannee River was knocked unconscious when a 60-70 pound sturgeon flew out of the water, sending her overboard.