Why do bullies do what they do? Dr. Phil sits down with a group of girls — some of them who admit they’ve been bullies and others who’ve been the victim of bullying — as part of his “Dr. Phil House” show.
Nicole, 19, says people consider her a mean girl because she’s popular on social media and has no problem speaking her mind. “When people post a picture, I feel the need to let [them] know how terrible [they] look," she says. But Nicole says she’s not a bully; she's just being brutally honest. "I speak the truth, and if you can’t handle it, then it’s not my problem," she says.
Dr. Phil shares with Nicole what he believes might be driving her behavior. “I have this theory that people who do what you do are playing a game, and the game is ‘Get them before they get me,’” he says in the video above, explaining that people who engage in this behavior don’t care if someone doesn’t like them because they don’t like the other person, or they reject people before people can reject them. “That way, you’re always on the attack. You tell people things that are hurtful for a reason.”
Nicole says she doesn’t have a motive. She says people hurt her sometimes, and she’s just doing it back.
“What if they weren’t going to get you at all?” Dr. Phil asks. “What if they were going to become a loyal friend and supporter that would have your back for the rest of your life, but you went zero to bitch on them like that, so you ran them off and missed a good friend?”
“I think that’s where my observing [comes in],” Nicole says. “I watch people’s actions. I watch what they say. I’ll know if I like you or not.”
Dr. Phil says that statement is telling. “I didn’t realize how scared you were,” he says, pointing out that she hides behind a confident air but is really afraid. “You don’t have the guts to see if somebody would like you. You don’t have the guts to see if somebody would accept you, and befriend you and have your back.”
“I don’t think I’m scared at all,’ she says.
On his show Wednesday, Dr. Phil explores the source of the all the girls’ pain and offers them ways to change their behavior. Click here to see where you can watch.