Ten Questions You Must Answer When Dating An Intersectional Feminist

Are you about to go on a first date with a radical feminist?

Me neither. My wife probably wouldn’t approve.

But if you are, my favorite left-wing blog, Everyday Feminism, published a guide to help you make sure your evening out goes swimmingly. The piece, entitled “10 Questions Every Intersectional Feminist Should Ask On a First Date,” can show you what to expect on your outing with your feminist crush.

Out of the benevolence of my generous heart, I have not only given quotes from the author of the piece, but I have also provided answers to the questions presented in the article. You’ll even get handy examples of wrong answers, so you won’t make any mistakes — other than going on a date with a radical feminist, of course.

You can thank me later.

1.     DO YOU BELIEVE THAT BLACK LIVES MATTER?

“There are three categories that are non-negotiables for me: an understanding of race, class, and gender. Not everyone understands how these three can be insidious, systemic and intertwined, but anyone who doesn’t take the time to learn how systemic racism works isn’t going to care about how racism affects me or people who are darker-skinned than I am.”

Wrong Answer: Yes, I do believe that black lives matter. Police brutality is a serious issue and officers who abuse their authority should be held accountable. However, I don’t think encouraging hatred towards the majority of law enforcement is helpful, especially since most police officers do their jobs the right way.

Right Answer: Of course, black lives matter! I regularly attend Black Lives Matter (BLM) protests where I am forced to stand in the back of the crowd because I’m white. It is my duty as a “woke” ally to call out anyone who doesn’t believe that all police officers are racist pigs who beat black people in the streets every day.

2. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON GENDER AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION?

“One out of many important elements to dismantling patriarchy is to abolish gender roles as well as the limited understanding that we have about sexuality and gender itself. I can’t imagine being with someone who is transphobic; as a feminist and woman of color, it would be a betrayal of what I stand for. Ignoring trans-misogynoir would be to deny one of the biggest, most despicable problems that we face.”

Wrong Answer: Well, I don’t believe that men can become women or vice versa, but I feel every American should have the right to make their own decisions about their lives. It’s none of my business. And what in the world does misogynoir mean?

Right Answer: Gender is nothing but a social construct, so people can be whatever sex they choose – even if biology says differently. Biology is nothing more than a sexist pig who probably voted for Donald Trump. By the way, would you prefer me being a man? A woman? I’m flexible.

3. HOW DO YOU WORK TO DISMANTLE SEXISM AND MISOGYNY IN YOUR LIFE?

“Beyond Misogyny 101, does the person you are with understand rape culture, systemic sexism, and misogynoir? Are they willing to learn if they don’t? Misogyny is more than the pay gap.”

Wrong Answer: I think sexism is abhorrent and rape is evil. As a matter of fact, none of my male friends think it’s a positive thing. Actually, most men, in general, think rapists should be locked under the prison and not released until – well, never. I’m not convinced we have an entire culture of rape. But seriously, what is misogynoir?

Right Answer: I understand that as a man, I’m 100% guilty of rape and sexual assault, despite the fact that I have never raped or sexually assaulted anyone. Testosterone forces me to perpetuate a culture of rape, misogyny, and toxic masculinity – and I hate myself for it. As women and allies, we must rise up against all forms of sexism and –  oh wait; I’m mansplaining now. I’m such a disgusting pig! Forgive me?

4. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SEX WORK?

“You may scratch your head at this one, but much like racism and misogynoir, being a pro-sex worker is a necessary pillar of dismantling the patriarchy. I don’t mean pro-sex worker in the sense where non-sex workers write op-eds and think pieces about how sex work is amazing and feminist.”

Wrong Answer: *scratching your head* I’m not sure how being pro-sex worker helps anyone. Do I think sex work is amazing and feminist? Not really – I think it demeans women, but what do I know? As I said before, people have the right to make their own life choices. And for the love of God, what in the blue blazes is misogynoir?

Right Answer: Yes! Being pro-sex worker is one of the most critical issues in my life. Every day, I spend countless hours thinking about how strippers, prostitutes, and porn stars are crucial in our fight against white, heterosexual, Christian men. The best way to keep women from being objectified is to promote industries that objectify them. It’s perfect! It’s like black people using the “N-word.”

5. ARE YOU A SUPPORTER OF THE BDS MOVEMENT?

“BDS stands for “Boycott, Divest, Sanctions” — an effort to end international support for Israel’s oppression of Palestinians. I grew up with Jewish (Israeli and non-Israeli) friends and Palestinian friends. Before even understanding how power and oppression worked together, we understood the trivial hatred that colonized and put in constant danger the lives of Palestinians every single day.

Wrong Answer: The Arab-Israeli conflict is a complex issue, and It’s important to understand the nuanced history of the conflict. For instance, if the Palestinians have been so oppressed, why have they rejected every single offer for peace that Israel has made over the past 60 years? Why do they prop up terrorist groups like Hamas? Is it possible that it’s not just the Israelis who need to work towards a peaceful solution?

Right Answer: The Arab-Israeli conflict is simple: the Jews swept into the country of Palestine, kicked out all the Arabs, fought wars with their neighbors, and now, they’re committing genocide against the Palestinians every single day. I’m not anti-Semitic, but Zionism is creepy. At least that’s what Linda Sarsour thinks.

6. WHAT IS YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF SETTLER COLONIALISM AND INDIGENOUS RIGHTS?

“A key part of intersectionality is having a complete understanding of how historical and current policies endangered the lives of millions of people, simply because of white supremacy and the colonialist entitlement to finite resources and land.”

Wrong Answer: Yep, white Europeans did a lot of terrible things to Native Americans. I believe we have evolved as a society and, hopefully, will never make that mistake again. Why are we talking about this on our first date?

Right Answer: Wow, I was hoping you would ask me about colonialism and indigenous people on our first date! Here’s my answer: White people are a blight on the face of the earth for what they did to the indigenous people that were here first. Every white person living today shares the blame for what their ancestors did. The sad part is that nobody knows the history of what happened between the whites and the natives. That’s why I’m pushing for Howard Zinn’s “A People’s History Of The United States” to be required reading in all public schools, starting with Kindergarten.

7. DO YOU THINK CAPITALISM IS EXPLOITATIVE?

“Anti-capitalism, especially in the U.S., is imperative if you have an understanding of systemic racism, the prison industrial complex, the 13th Amendment, and exploitation. Capitalism, for one, teaches us that we are only valuable if we produce capital. That means that if you aren’t contributing to the system with your labor, your life means almost nothing.”

Wrong Answer: I don’t think capitalism tells us that our lives mean nothing if we don’t contribute to the system. It just means that we are entitled only to what we earn, not what someone else has earned. It’s not a perfect system, but it’s the best one we have. Besides, socialism is the true exploitative system — it forces its people to work only to make the government more powerful, without providing a better quality of life for its citizens.

Right Answer: Under capitalism, I have to work to get what I want — which is problematic, and somehow racist. As a socialist, I think those who earn the most should be forced to give the most — even to people who may not have earned it. That’s why I support the government having more control over those stingy rich people who won’t pay for my education, housing, car, food, and my Play Station. I mean, under a socialist government, what could go wrong? Look at how Venezuela and Cuba have prospered!

8. CAN ANY HUMAN BE ILLEGAL?

“White Americans stole this land, colonized this land, created so many borders, pushed out, killed and enslaved people of color, and somehow they have the audacity to claim that this land is theirs and that black and brown immigrants are stealing their jobs, land, and homes? Miss me with that bullshit.”

Wrong Answer:  Acts that were committed hundreds of years ago by Europeans do not mean that the U.S. is obligated to allow any and every one to immigrate here. We have the right to enforce our borders, just as every other nation does. It’s necessary for preserving our American culture and keeping our people safe.

Right Answer: Let everybody in right now! Immigration laws are racist — unless they are imposed by Mexico, Columbia, Saudi Arabia, or any other country that doesn’t have a predominantly white population. It doesn’t matter who we let in, where they are from, or what values they hold. They all deserve to live here. Let the rich pay for them.

9. DO YOU SUPPORT MUSLIM AMERICANS AND NON-MUSLIM PEOPLE FROM ISLAMIC COUNTRIES?

“Don’t waste your time and energy on dating someone who thinks that Islam is inherently violent or misogynistic.”

Wrong Answer: I have no problems with the majority of Muslims — the ones who wish to live their lives in peace like everyone else.  I only take issue with the ones who want to blow me up. That’s fair, isn’t it?

By the way, how are women faring in Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan and many of the African nations where Islam is the predominant religion? Sure, not every Muslim society oppresses women, but in many of these nations, women are subject to beatings, lack of education, female circumcision, and other forms of brutality.

Right Answer: Terrorism has nothing to do with Islam. Radical Muslims only kill people because white Christian men and their Islamophobia make them do it. American Muslims live in constant fear of being attacked by bigoted white guys who hate them, and it’s not right. As for sexism, Saudi Arabia is allowing women to drive now, so it’s all good, right?

10. DOES YOUR ALLYSHIP INCLUDE DISABLED FOLKS?

“Disabled folks are subject to shaming and violence because humans are awful and lack empathy. Be mindful of others who mock disabled people; that kind of cruelty is inexcusable.”

Wrong Answer: People who commit violence against the disabled are repugnant and should be locked up. But is this really a thing? According to the F.B.I., hate crimes against people with disabilities only made up about 1.2% of all hate crimes committed last year. So, it does happen, but fortunately, it’s not an epidemic.

When it comes to shaming, I agree that many still hold ignorant views towards mental illness and there is still a stigma. It’s something about which many of us could learn. But I don’t think most people are not sympathetic towards those who deal with mental illness.

Right Answer: I see myself as a champion for the disabled. I think about them, I talk about them, and I’ve never once parked in a handicap spot when I’m going to the store.

So there you have it. Now you know which answers to avoid, and which to embrace. If she blindsides you with a question that isn’t on this list, just remember — any answer that makes rational sense is the wrong answer. Everything else should be fine.

If you are going to win her over, you must understand the world of intersectionality. Fortunately, this isn’t hard. Anything that screams victimhood and casts white men as vile hellspawn will put you on the right track. Oh, and make sure you know what misogynoir means.

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