Okay, I'm not panicking or anything, but I just found myself engaged in conversation about my cat, Jetty, with the checkout girl at Publix. And I was talking about him like he was a person. Like "He gets so mad at me when I run out of these Tasty Temptations!" and then asking her if she had any pets. She was like "No, do you have any coupons?" And then I did that real annoying thing where I walked real slow pushing my cart with one hand while going over my receipt like a radiologist reviewing a bone scan. Did that bitch give me the BOGO on my fiber bars? Oh yes ... there it is, I see it.
Then I made my way to the parking lot where I began to look for my car. Was I in the lane with the arrow pointing up or down? Is that it? No, no, same car but has a "MY OTHER CAR IS A SURFBOARD" sticker. Hmm ... wait, did I walk here? Oh! There it is. I load up my groceries and start on my way home. As I drive home it occurs to me, based on my behavior of the last hour and a half I have come to a conclusion ... I'm old!
Let's be honest, 55 is sort of getting up there. I celebrated the double nickel a few weeks ago and sure, I know 50 is the new 30, but tell that to my forehead that has had enough botox injected into it, my eyes barely close when I'm sleeping. Don't forget about the time I thought I was having a stroke, until I remembered the doc had put some extra units around my mouth, thereby forcing any liquid I tried to drink to dribble down my chin, causing people to turn away in horror. You could also point it out to my eyebrows, but unfortunately, they left years ago.
As happens anytime I hit a milestone birthday, I decide to take stock of where I am and give thanks for all the wonderful things life has brought me in the last few years. Here's how it shapes up:
First and foremost, Netflix. Thank you Netflix for bringing people such as Don Draper, Walter White and Jesse Pinkman into my life and for giving me something to do with my iPad, when I'm sitting in the hair salon like an idiot with my head covered in brown dye and tin foil.
Next? Trader Joe's. Thank you Trader Joe's for allowing me to buy seven bottles of Pinot Grigio for $14. Also, thank you for having those chocolate and sea salt covered grahams right by the check out. They make the perfect snack for the seven-minute drive home.
Another gift that life has brought me? Nordstrom Rack. Thank you Nordstrom Rack for allowing me to finally buy the Free People tunic top that I have been admiring for two years, at a reduced price, even if the label IS accidentally stitched onto the outside of the shirt, which thank you Nordstrom Rack, was pointed out to me at a meeting at work where I am 25 years older than everybody. I think they just assume I'm in early Alzheimer's, so no harm done. I'm waiting for one of them to tie a bib around my neck at our next potluck.
Finally, I am very thankful for my job where I get to sit at a table with brilliant, young people who have the world at their fingertips and who I am growing very attached to. In fact the other day I was telling them about my son, who is graduating college this year and already has a very nice job offer on the table. And yes, I was bragging a little and telling them, that he is, by all standards, basically perfect. Just as I was explaining this to them I got a frantic text from my daughter:
"Mom! 911! What color are my eyes? Doing makeup quiz need to know now!"
Um ... well ... the point is I am thankful for my job.
And I am thankful for M and the life we have built together and for years of good times ahead. And of course, I am thankful for my four beautiful children, no matter what color their eyes are.
I arrive home with my groceries and put them all away. In a perfect moment, Jetty and I curl up in front of Netflix, me with my fiber bar, he with his Tasty Temptations, and lose ourselves in the final season of Downton Abbey. Now THIS is living.
Please look for my book, "There's Been A Change Of Plans" coming soon!