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Divorce

The 11 Worst Pick Up Lines Divorcés Have Ever Heard

Just no.
Leans in to say a cheesy pickup line.
Leans in to say a cheesy pickup line.

Thinking of jumping back into the dating scene? Prepare yourself for some godawful pickup lines. (For some reason, the older you get, the worse the lines become.)

Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers and readers share the most cringe-worthy lines they've heard while dating after divorce. Read 'em and try not to weep.

1. “One of the worst? He said, 'You be the cougar, I’ll be your tamer. Meow.'" -- Janet Bertolus

2. "The weirdest pickup line I've gotten dating after divorce was a guy on Tinder who started the conversation with, 'You have a nice head' then he followed with 'we should get drinks.' I ran into him on another date and he saw me and said, 'Hey! We matched on Tinder! You're the wellness blogger with a nice head!' Then he actually patted me on the head." -- Shelley Cameron

3. "When I say I am an assistant principal, too many men have said things like, 'If I am naughty, will you take me to your office and spank me, please?'" -- Janice Songer

4. "A lady told me she finally had a break from her five kids and was leaving her husband, so hey, 'Did I want to take a bath with her?'" -- Antonio Sacre

5. “'I only date divorcées -- you’re all so grateful.' You have to be swimming in bad cologne to even utter that sentence." -- Janet Bertolus

6. "Not so much a line as my estranged husbands' friends offering their support in private: 'Hey, if you ever need to talk...'" -- Jeffianne Huntsman

7. "Are you still married? If you are, we can still keep it on the down-low." -- Paokeettee Y. Craig

8. "In the initial months after my husband left me, I was an emotional mess. One day I was leaning against the rail of a fishing pier, watching the fishermen and lost in thought. I didn’t even realize this rather burly guy had sidled up along the railing next to me. He shocked me out of my reverie with, 'You’re on the small side, but I wouldn’t throw you back.' Startled, I jumped, took one look at him and replied, 'Well, you’re on the big side, but I could still gut you!'" -- Lee Gaitan

9. "A lovely women I knew walked into a bar I was at. We chatted for a bit and when I told her I was recently divorced, she slid off her stool, came over and gave me a very sensual hug. She looked me in the eyes and said, 'What you need is a pure and simple rebound. A woman to just take you home and press her body into yours and ask for nothing but pure physical love.' I don't think that's a bad pickup line but back then, as a freshly divorced man, I didn't get it. I looked deep in her eyes and said, 'You’re right -- I wonder how I am going to meet someone like that?' She waited for a few moments to see if I was joking. When she saw I wasn’t and truly had no clue, she gently extracted herself from the mess I was. It was only two days later that I realized what she was suggesting." -- Antonio Sacre

10. “Here's a gem: 'I guess now that you’ve crossed marriage off of your bucket list you can just relax and let a guy show you a good time?'" -- Janet Bertolus

11. "He told me I was a mystical unicorn and he fell in love with me at first sight so I'd need to block his number and unmatch him on Tinder because he couldn't stay away. So many crazies out there!" -- Shelley Cameron

Brutally Honest Dating Profiles

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