The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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😂 😂 😂 pic.twitter.com/6CWwDMJPcL
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) August 20, 2018
if I had to choose between spending $14 on a drink or a sandwich I would always choose a sandwich, but for some reason you can't walk around the club with a roast beef
— Ziwe (@ziwe) August 19, 2018
My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills
— Mystical44 (@Mystical441) August 21, 2018
Me: I'm strong, I'm independent, I pay my own rent, I have a great career and friends who I love. So blessed, so moved, so grateful.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) August 20, 2018
Also me: 😭I 😭want 😭a 😭Peter 😭Kavinsky 😭
Ran into your boyfriend at Lowe’s pic.twitter.com/WuQN89j8VX
— Fairuza Sulk (@Bruisey) August 22, 2018
wedge salads are the biggest trick restaurants have ever pulled on us. yes hello I will cut the salad, you guys just relax back there
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 23, 2018
Julia Roberts is meant to be 27 in My Best Friend's Wedding. Cameron Diaz is supposed to be TWENTY. But what's more fucked is that Julia Roberts is invited to said wedding FOUR DAYS before it begins.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 19, 2018
My Best Friend's Wedding is a horror movie.
*doorbell ring*
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) August 22, 2018
Have you heard about our Romcom saviour To All The Boys I've Loved Before on Netflix?
me: drinks coffee, drinks alcohol, eats half a pizza with cheesy garlic bread
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) August 21, 2018
stomach: hurts
me: it is a mystery
Do I want a boyfriend or someone to listen to me rank all the Real Housewives franchises by season without interruption?
— Kimberly Nicole Foster (@KimberlyNFoster) August 23, 2018
Where’s my oral history of the rise and fall of dELiA*s
— Margaret Lyons (@margeincharge) August 23, 2018
One cool thing as an adult is going to a movie by yourself & then after, having a fight with yourself in the street about the cinematography
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 19, 2018
dude on dating app: so uh, what r u looking for on here?
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 21, 2018
me: pic.twitter.com/XgzGq5eCbC
Genie: you still have 2 wishes left. you sure you don’t want to use them?
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) August 21, 2018
Me: [eating cheesecake] nope I’m good
Genie: alright then [disappears]
Me: [finishes cheesecake] oh no
I don't like who I become when I'm alone with a rotisserie chicken
— RoyalTramp (@theroyaltramp) August 19, 2018
Coming in right under the deadline, but I think I’ve determined my summer look is Secret Heiress To The Tommy Bahama Fortune
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) August 23, 2018
Your true zodiac sign is whatever Mamma Mia song is stuck in your head at this current moment
— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) August 23, 2018
hey mtv welcome to my crib pic.twitter.com/osUVToIdIB
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) August 23, 2018
Me: *Shopping in Target for a bathing suit*
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) August 21, 2018
Target: It’s August, here’s an infinity scarf and a pumpkin.
Dear God I've become someone who books SoulCycle classes at 12:30 on Mondays.
— Rachael Berkey (@bookoisseur) August 20, 2018
This story has been updated to replace a tweet that was not by a woman.
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