The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
I hate when I go to cook dinner and realize the me that was shopping for groceries and planning meals was an over ambitious bitch
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 11, 2020
Just saw a thing about how they had to give Blake Lively prosthetic eye bags in The Rythm Section because hers weren’t pronounced enough & I’ve never related to something less
— a.b. (@AlannaBennett) February 13, 2020
stranger at the library: can you watch my stuff?
— 𝒔 (@yungsids) February 12, 2020
me: pic.twitter.com/rfm3KkLTT2
For Valentine’s Day, remember that people will let you down, but not a single goddamn time has Taco Bell ever let you down.
— Charlotte Clymer 🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) February 11, 2020
I wish I had worded that differently
— JPo (@Peauxtassium) February 13, 2020
~ a memoir
if i invite you to my apartment you can't laugh at my hunchback of notre dame collectible plate and that's that
— jamieloftus 🏂 (@jamieloftusHELP) February 13, 2020
when a boomer says college used to cost $134 pic.twitter.com/lAKKh6IPTe
— ziwe (@ziwe) February 10, 2020
Instant noodles when a student
— Lauren Bravo (@laurenbravo) February 11, 2020
✖️depressing
✖️cliché
✖️nutritionally void
Instant noodles plus soft boiled egg as a 30-something
✔️’homemade ramen’
✔️restorative facial steam
✔️quick convenient dinner for the busy working woman
everyone hates that i have begun calling my period "laying an egg"
— 𝘋𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘐𝘌 𝘞𝘐𝘓𝘋𝘌𝘙 (@333333333433333) February 10, 2020
Getting emotional walking around the grocery store cradling a loaf of bread pretending it’s my baby
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 12, 2020
Sex is like pizza: if you’re having it at Domino’s, it’s time to re-examine the choices you’ve made that led you here
— Erin three batter minimum Ryan (@morninggloria) February 13, 2020
My hair in the 80s. pic.twitter.com/Ar1Ar7LRKe
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 13, 2020
i would settle for being, like, the city comptroller of Flavortown
— rae paoletta (@PAYOLETTER) February 13, 2020
Cashier: Condoms and wine huh?
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 12, 2020
Me: Hahaha, yeah, baby. You know how it is.
C: ...
M: ...
C: You’re going to make water balloons and drink alone, aren’t you?
M: Just ring it up I’m not on trial here
this dog made mat for navarro this year pic.twitter.com/99sy9LmdA6
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) February 12, 2020
scared that if i log into neopets in my adulthood that i will never be able to log back off
— karen han (@karenyhan) February 11, 2020
every time I remember to floss I reward myself with another 3-4 months of not flossing
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) February 13, 2020
bong joon-ho after he saw green book win best picture last year pic.twitter.com/O3yhRQrVp0
— nela (@atcnement) February 10, 2020
went for my annual checkup today and my new doc was like you need D, as in **vitamin D** and i was like god i know it's been a while and she was like what and i was like hwhat
— Delia Cai (@delia_cai) February 13, 2020
my friends: come out with us later
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) February 14, 2020
me: no sorry i’m busy tonight
also me, later that night: pic.twitter.com/Y3DmL2DJ8o
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