WOMEN

The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (July 27-Aug. 2)

"Welcome to adulthood. Freezer space is now a commodity."

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.

Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.

Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.

Witnessed the best party exit of my life yesterday: an adult told the six-year-old, “I like your unicorn backpack.” The girl paused on the steps and, without even casting a backwards glance, said, “Maybe you can get one someday.” Then she disappeared through the doggy door
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) July 28, 2019

My kink is watching men saunter into female-dominated workout classes thinking they’re in for a relaxing hour, then dying on top of their 7.5 pound weights when they realizes women are strong as f*ck.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) July 29, 2019

me saying “see you soon” to dates knowing I’ll never see them again pic.twitter.com/YxgIybZhHP
— ziwe (@ziwe) July 31, 2019

kid got just so mad he couldn’t order a hot dog at this airport restaurant he yelled “hot dogs are my family” and then his mom immediately asked for a white wine and you know what i identify with both of them
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) July 29, 2019

Every conversation is a podcast if you close your eyes
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) July 30, 2019

People like to ask me what hogwarts house I am.
But truthfully, I liken myself as more of the troll in the girl’s bathroom than any particular house.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) July 31, 2019

I wish I loved anything as much as white evangelical women in the South love referring to each other on Instagram as "sweet friend"
— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) July 29, 2019

Adding “the fuck” after saying something is like sentence parsley.
— Justice (@FITCH__mascot) July 28, 2019

Me: Sorry, I won't be able to make it.
Them: There will be free food.
Me: What I meant was that I won't be able to stay for very long.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 1, 2019

Nothing has paid off less than learning how to do the Soulja Boy.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) July 27, 2019

Best thing I experienced today was watching a room full of toddlers lose their shit for some wrist ribbons so they could shake their sillies out.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) July 30, 2019

picnics are a great way to think you're hanging out with friends but actually you're sitting on something wet
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 29, 2019

My bangs got wet in the rain so if your thoughts could be with me at this difficult time
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) July 31, 2019

Welcome to adulthood. Freezer space is now a commodity.
— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) July 30, 2019

Now that August is almost here, allow me to be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 1, 2019

Can we stop screwing around and make Pringles cans big enough to fit an entire hand? We have the technology
— Eɾιɳҽɱ (@Mom_Overboard) August 1, 2019

No one will ever truly understand the pain of being me, a millennial who is bad at selfies.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) July 31, 2019

My husband's on a work Skype, so I'm spending the next 30 minutes silently passing behind him dressed as every character from Into The Woods.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 30, 2019

i made it through the 90s without wearing a skort once. you’re crazy if you think you’re gonna get me in 2019
— luisa díez (@luisadieznuts) August 1, 2019

Every Instagram wellness girl loves posting 300-word photo captions that are like "It’s okay and allowed for me to like Mario and it’s okay and allowed for me to like Luigi. I can hold space for both."
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) August 1, 2019

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