The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
there’s one liquor store on my street with one cute boy and now a new liquor store has opened and it’s staffed by another cute boy ........ sounds like a duel ladies
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) June 4, 2019
i can’t believe i’m not even 26 yet and i’m already in feuds with two separate post offices. nobody believed i could do it but i showed them all
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) June 4, 2019
My friend told me that nature can cure depression so I’m out here in my yard glaring at flowers and shit.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) June 5, 2019
Used to drunk dial, now I just request library books while zonked on Benadryl in the middle of the night and forget about them until they show up months later.
— Lisa Ko (@iamlisako) June 3, 2019
“you think you
— Lauren (@Avonleaambition) June 5, 2019
can do these
things nemo
but you just
can’t!” pic.twitter.com/Er7GMVupY4
putting earbuds in so it seems like you’re on a call but you just want the freedom to talk to yourself without judgment
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 5, 2019
going on the bachelor is so lucrative u just lie to some dudes face for 2 weeks, call another contestant a bitch, then get booted and spend the next 3-5 years slinging fit tea for $10k a post. a low effort life
— helen (@helen) June 4, 2019
No one’s going to look at the Mueller Report until someone turns it into a musical.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) June 3, 2019
it is legitimately weird to me that people watch Jeopardy to root for a contestant and not just to prove you can shout out trivia questions faster than they're doing on tv
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 4, 2019
I don’t want to be an influencer, I just want everyone to read the books I recommend so I have more people to discuss them with.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) June 4, 2019
Walking out the gym at 8am pic.twitter.com/2mAuTLflkA
— THE INTHICCABLE HULK 🔜 HeroesCon (@Steph_I_Will) June 6, 2019
Might fuck around and invest my time and emotional energies into a major league sport
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) June 6, 2019
My "windblown" look reads more as "grappling with her own mortality."
— Gretchen von Tongeln (@Metalligretch) June 6, 2019
i’m “ooh, that’s a good towel” years old
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) June 7, 2019
A shark cage, but you use it to keep people you knew in high school from approaching you in public.
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) June 6, 2019
Panic! as the default
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) June 7, 2019
Shoutout to the 3 year old singing Linkin Park’s “In the End” in the bathroom at the AMC Burbank
— Kirby Mekler (@kirbymekler) June 6, 2019
Do people who buy their dogs expensive toys know about sticks?
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) June 6, 2019
I love how I can slay one day and look homeless the next. Balance
— faith (@faiththegemini_) June 2, 2019
How can this be wrong when it feels so right?
— Maggie Smith (@maggiesmithpoet) June 5, 2019
Me, aloud to myself, as I open the cheese drawer in the fridge—again.
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