The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
hear me out: waterbed but it's filled with wine
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) March 31, 2020
if I survive this i plan to throw an absolutely debaucherous post corona party that ruins all of my personal relationships
— ziwe (@ziwe) March 29, 2020
Being an introvert who wants to stay home vs being an introvert who HAS TO stay home pic.twitter.com/rvb5fvyIK0
— Meredith Ireland (@MeredithIreland) April 1, 2020
i hate this pandemic if i wanted to waste my early 20s i would have gotten married
— kat (@ratmobbs) March 31, 2020
Joe Exotic is Steve Irwin’s Wario
— Clara, from 6 feet away (@ramencult) March 28, 2020
I wish days of the week underwear were still a thing so I knew what the hell day of the week it is.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 1, 2020
Me: I'm going to sleep in today.
— Quarantined Tasia, Is Selling Winks for $500 (@GroovyTasia) April 1, 2020
The 500 birds outside my window: lol
things im dreaming of: french fries, soft serve w sprinkles, seeing a human
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) March 30, 2020
Through the drive thru speaker: would you like to try the chicken club
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 28, 2020
Me: [ imagining chickens getting down on the dance floor ] hell yes I would
The last time I was this emotionally confused was the battle scene in Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) March 30, 2020
god: you can climb the tallest trees
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) April 1, 2020
cat: cool will i be able to get down
god:
cat: answer me god
“It’s too early for this shit.”
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 30, 2020
- Me, from 12am to 11:59 PM every day
quarantine is trash but on the bright side i haven't worn a real bra in two weeks.
— king crissle (@crissles) March 29, 2020
ME: I wonder why I'm anxious
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) March 28, 2020
THE PANDEMIC: Hey there-
ME: [avoiding eye contact] If only there was a way to figure out why I'm so anxious
Not to brag, but my internal monologue is one unceasing scream
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 1, 2020
My new film, “I Broke My Leg and Bedazzled It,” has a star-studded cast.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 31, 2020
Anybody else up to 6 meals a day
— Anna Nonymous (@osoplain) March 29, 2020
Yogurt (yoghurt, yogourt, yoghourt) is the Megan (Meghan, Meagan, Meaghan) of fermented milks.
— .Mela. (@mela_shea) March 31, 2020
When you’ve run out of places to go in your home while self-isolating… pic.twitter.com/EQfowiTxiu
— batkaren (@batkaren) April 2, 2020
my husband-elect returned from a run to the store with both toilet paper AND a roll of paper towels and now i think i know how cavewomen felt when their cavemen returned from a hunt with a woolly mammoth
— Erin I Saw A Tiger Ryan (@morninggloria) April 2, 2020
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