The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
Today is 5/9, or as some guys call it 5/11
— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) May 9, 2020
When we’re “back to normal,” i want to open a bed and breakfast only for women suffering from burn out. I’m gonna call it Resting Bitch Place.
— Mary Annaïse Heglar (@MaryHeglar) May 9, 2020
Me before this: I’m finally an adult
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 12, 2020
Me now: I love puzzles and chalk and beads and for my birthday I want a scooter
i admire how when babies dont want to hold something anymore they just drop it
— secular angel (@mixedmediapaper) May 11, 2020
Ripping off your mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home
— Maggie Scott (@maggiescott231) May 10, 2020
When I said I wanted to be a Disney princess, I was thinking more the long hair/musical numbers and less the being stuck inside my parents' house/talking to animals.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) May 11, 2020
Happy mother’s day!! don’t forget to watch a movie today but pause it every so often and go “wait who’s that”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 10, 2020
interested in physically fighting this mom you claim is the strongest woman you know
— gingerbread angel (@____andie) May 10, 2020
Not convinced that we have done all we can to find the the best way to package flour
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) May 10, 2020
I don’t trust anyone who can nap in jeans.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) May 9, 2020
Me: This whole lockdown is making it very hard to find my soulmate.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 11, 2020
Husband: I’m sitting right here.
This isn’t going to be a hot girl summer it’s going to be a reclusive victorian woman in an attic summer
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) May 13, 2020
this whole thing has really helped me rediscover my passion for barely holding it together
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) May 9, 2020
Personally I think Romeo and Juliet could’ve handled their situation better
— uzma (@uzmaax) May 13, 2020
this time last year I was getting laid and now I’m just sitting here tweeting stupid shit like “this time last year I was getting laid”
— grace spelman (@GraceSpelman) May 10, 2020
if ur looking for a bad girl sometimes I do multiple loads of laundry before emptying the lint trap
— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) May 13, 2020
a lasagna is just a layer cake who's seen some stuff
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 11, 2020
i am a messy bitch who lives for drama, right up until the second i am implicated in drama, in which case i think everyone should cut it out and stop being mean to me
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) May 11, 2020
Woke up to the memory of a time in college when a very proper, VERY English friend was trying to recall the name of a character in a children’s show. “The green one, you know?Disagreeable, quite shouty? Lives in the rubbish.” She meant Oscar the Grouch.
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) May 14, 2020
I'm ok with never shaking hands again. Never liked it in the first place. Just tip your hat at me like the young lady that I am.
— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) May 11, 2020
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