The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
I just realized that the word "Dorito" implies the existence of a larger, adulter, possibly more delicious "Doro"
— Maya Shwayder (@MayaErgas) November 7, 2019
Ctrl-F but for all the hair ties in my apartment
— Taylor Ortega (@taylor_ortega) November 6, 2019
wait you’re telling me that once i buy all these groceries i have to COOK them, too?!
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) November 4, 2019
Me: *wearing a bundt cake as a crown* my wedding is everything I wanted it to be
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 5, 2019
All these things to worry about and we have to fear the return of low rise jeans, too
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) November 8, 2019
The wildest thing about 1999 was the number of us who were straight up angry not to be mentioned in Mambo No. 5.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 6, 2019
Halloween costumes are a great way to find out which of your friends watch movies and which of your friends read books.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 2, 2019
“losing/taking virginity”
— lotty (@lottydoes) November 4, 2019
- turns sex into an object
- places pressure on the decision
- you don’t actually lose or take anything ?
“sexual debut”
- exciting
- all focus is on u
- suggests a musical number is involved
the greatest lie the devil ever told was that you would get up and finish that project in the morning
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 8, 2019
day 3 of daylight savings: pic.twitter.com/SQqrf9JaTj
— ★mir★ (@mirahope_) November 6, 2019
*cleans one literal inch of my bathroom*
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) November 4, 2019
so i just have to .. keep doing this?? how often?? for the rest of my life ????
My husband's on a work Skype, so every few minutes I silently cross the room behind him dressed as a new character from Wicked.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 6, 2019
You all can keep your menstrual tracking apps: I am “crying to the Beatles while driving” days away from my period.
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) November 7, 2019
Tfw when you find an old family photo album pic.twitter.com/LemWQQ5tlS
— Mug McCup (@megmackaycomedy) November 4, 2019
I can't believe people used to just show up at someone's house to "pay them a call." All of a sudden you have to make tea and put out snacks just because Susan wanted to say hi. SMH, I don't even answer my buzzer unless I ordered takeout.
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) November 8, 2019
me looking at my professor when i hear backpacks zipping 2 mins before class ends bc i want him to know i’m still listening & everyone else is rude pic.twitter.com/hBSLFGaTmg
— ♡ (@kaylasheagg) November 6, 2019
If there is a mirror behind your head when I’m sitting across from you at dinner I will stare at myself the entire time.
— greta titelman (@Gertie_Bird) November 5, 2019
Me when I hear a bottle of wine being uncorked pic.twitter.com/OfkigYq8JU
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 5, 2019
Me at 18: I can't wait to see what amazing things are waiting for me as an adult!
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 4, 2019
Me at 38: Pretty excited about this new scent of dish soap.
I’ve made mistakes in life, but the only one I regret is not marrying a massage therapist.
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) November 5, 2019
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