The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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the instagram story display order algorithm is so humbling it knows who i have a crush on before i do
— t (@radioheadass) November 28, 2018
just watched a man pour coffee on his cheeseburger and eat it, the airport is a godless place
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) November 25, 2018
‘People you may know’ on Fb should be called ‘people you may hate’ cause if you have that many friends in common it’s a choice
— Lana Walters (@Lana_Wallie) November 26, 2018
Coworker: can I talk to you about your Twitter
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@SJSchauer) November 26, 2018
Me, hand on the fire alarm:
Coworker: I think you're funny
Me, removing hand from fire alarm: yes
Watched “say anything” on the plane. In 1 million years I would not have guessed the “john cusack boombox movie” was called “say anything”
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 29, 2018
taco bell implies the existence of a taco tower
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) November 28, 2018
I’m sitting in my car outside my therapist’s office listening to off-brand Christmas music and crying into my Winter Dream Tea; am I in a Netflix holiday movie?
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 27, 2018
Age 21: Stays out until 3 AM and gets up at 7 the next morning for work.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 29, 2018
Age 37: Won't start a movie after 8 PM.
This girl I used to go out with is still using my Netflix and that's cool. She's watching Scandal and is currently on S7E12. Series finale is S7E18. Guess who's changing her password as soon as she gets to episode 17? Yep, it's Petty Labelle.
— 🏳️🌈Quee(r)n Regina (@heyqueenregina) November 26, 2018
i am almost 37 entire years old pic.twitter.com/w2VVfyJXIV
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 25, 2018
the leafblower dads in the middle of the street with that long orange extension cord act like they’re gods.
— The Getaway Girl (@The_GetawayGirl) November 25, 2018
me: free will exists
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) November 26, 2018
also me: [absolutely sends whatever gmail's suggested reply is]
this nativity figure just told me i don’t know i’m beautiful, that’s what makes me beautiful pic.twitter.com/CL6VLXFCI8
— Gaby Wilson (@GabrielleWilson) November 28, 2018
Just checked in on my nemesis. She is still trash.
— roxane gay (@rgay) November 28, 2018
Who told men they could only buy dark maroon sheets?
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 28, 2018
Me still trying to shop at Forever 21 pic.twitter.com/Cc60PVKfxq
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 28, 2018
It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 28, 2018
Quietly developing a slingshot that hurls a history book at each person who tweets “this is not who we are.”
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) November 27, 2018
me: sorry I missed your call I must have been in the shower
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) November 29, 2018
also me: routinely takes my phone into the shower in a plastic bag
Me:*spends 4hrs comparing gift prices on several sites to save $4*
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 26, 2018
Also Me: *spends $33 on pizza b/c I shopped too long to cook $6 chicken*
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