The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
ME: i am going to do something fun and feel good about myself! MY ANXIETY: *superhero voice* i must be stopped
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 15, 2016
Sitting in a room with my husband and kids... Suddenly I realise everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow
— Ruqayyah (@OneNawtiGeh) January 11, 2016
I talk a big game about "living for drama" for someone who stays cocooned in a blanket & only allows in visitors if they compliment my hair
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) January 14, 2016
Pickup line: Is your name Caesar? Cause I wanna stab you.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) January 15, 2016
~in 10 years~ Kid: mommy how did you meet daddy? Me: we both had mutual interests in warby parker & netflix! so I swiped right. *shrugs*
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) January 10, 2016
Writing tip: I get my best ideas right before I fall asleep so I think the best way to write a book is a medically induced coma
— Jenny Han (@jennyhan) January 12, 2016
"Sleep and gin and A League Of Their Own and that's about it [dozens of bars of instrumental]" - 'My Favorite Things,' by Fraulein Chloe
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) January 10, 2016
you can go monday thru thursday thinking youre cute but when you get your brows trimmed on friday you realize its all been a lie
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) January 14, 2016
Are we all ready to admit that "don't tell ANYONE" means you can tell exactly one person
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) January 9, 2016
Not to get too ahead of myself but if I'm ever famous and there are rumors I'm fucking someone please know I am 100 percent fucking them.
— Gaby Dunn (@gabydunn) January 12, 2016
sometimes, for fun, I just sit and wonder how old I'll be the next time I see an Asian American woman in a major feature film
— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) January 14, 2016
Do I have a better chance of winning Powerball or finding a perfectly ripe avocado?
— Alie Martell (@aliemartell) January 13, 2016
people who can dress cute or wear heels or short skirts or thin jackets in freezing weather are true heroes. I aspire to be as strong as u
— farwz (@farwzaz) January 15, 2016
(in front of the Pearly Gates) God: "This is actually WAY less complicated than people think. You just gotta hold a 3 min plank to get in."
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) January 13, 2016
honestly if Olivia Benson wanted to quit working at SVU at this point i bet everyone would be like "thank god good choice so happy 4 you A+"
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) January 14, 2016
"I'm playing the lottery because I have a better chance of winning that than you giving me grandchildren" — text from my mother
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) January 14, 2016
I think I figured out how to do winged eyeliner todayyyy! *lights master's degree on fire*
— Danielle Henderson (@knottyyarn) January 14, 2016
I washed my hair and the whole town noticed.
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) January 7, 2016
i'm really confident but not "i'm going to try ordering something off the 'secret menu' at starbucks" confident
— Lauren Zupkus (@laurenzup) January 11, 2016
My #1 regret of 2016 is not screen-shotting the tinder profile of an NYPD cop who listed his job as "zoo keeper, city of new york"
— Veronica de Souza (@HeyVeronica) January 15, 2016
Also on HuffPost:
The 50 Funniest Tweets From Women In 2015
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