The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
yes hi can I please have a grilled cheese and an anxiety attack TO STAY
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) August 7, 2016
THIS JUST IN: my sources tell me Donald Trump is highly favored to win this year's Failing Upward Lifetime Achievement Award
— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) August 8, 2016
If it wasn't for the goddamn constitution, Simone Biles could enter the presidential race now and win
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) August 8, 2016
2nd Amendment texting 1st Amendment: Do u think ppl who think we r perfect realize we were orig corrections to anotha document?
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 10, 2016
1st A: lolol
you know what i think about all the time: that woman who lurked so hard she found her crush's biological dad he didn't know about
— black frances ha (@imbobswaget) August 11, 2016
if Beyonce and Simone Biles were in the same room, would the world just implode?
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) August 8, 2016
An app called "dishs" where someone just comes and does your dishes and then leaves.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) August 9, 2016
How many other things would I need to purchase at target to not look like I showed up 30 mins before closing for Haagen-Dazs
— Beejoli Shah (@beejoli) August 10, 2016
I ate 4 Oreo cookies during #SimoneBiles floor routine. Is there a medal for that? #Olympics2016
— Elaine L. (@LaineyGossip) August 8, 2016
men in general need to feel more embarrassed more often
— Tangela Kardashian (@ishaaran) August 8, 2016
I threw old quinoa under my feeder and now the chipmunks are wearing Patchouli and putting a "Coexist" sticker on my bird bath.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 9, 2016
kids are INSTAGRAMMING their class schedules these days. WOW. remember when u had to chisel ur schedule on a stick & throw it at ur friend
— Julia Bush (@jabush) August 6, 2016
What if we all just let the hair on our bodies grow? All that time shearing our legs and faces could be spent watching so much more Netflix.
— Adrienne Airhart (@craydrienne) August 10, 2016
every time i put make up on i realize how bad i am at coloring inside the lines
— yung sweet lassi (@andnowtothemoon) August 12, 2016
I love how these Olympic Games are inspiring a whole new generation of kids to declare "wow, that would be way too much work."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 10, 2016
My favorite thing about the Olympics is how every four years I'm convinced I care deeply about beach volleyball.
— side-eye spice (@goldengateblond) August 11, 2016
Men's gymnasts should have to dance also. #rio2016
— KB (@KaraRBrown) August 10, 2016
what if i just made the line that shows when you wear thick spanx a "look"
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) August 8, 2016
i washed my fitted sheet two weeks ago and tonight is finally the night that i'm gonna put it on my bed just thought Twitter should know
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) August 9, 2016
Is there anything sexier than the phrase "next steps"
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) August 10, 2016