The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I texted that I was praying for someone, but my phone changed it to partying and that makes a lot more sense.— Monica Ann (@Monicann86) August 31, 2016
I am a firm believer in having a mediocre dinner so you don't get too comfortable in life. *slurps cereal bowl*— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 31, 2016
Criteria to be The Bachelor:— Erica (@SCbchbum) August 31, 2016
1. White straight male with rich parents
2. That's literally it
I'm in Sephora and 6 Inch by Beyoncé just started playing this is...this is everything I live for all in one place— farwz (@farwzaz) September 1, 2016
I was typing Stranger Things but my phone changed it to Stranger Thighs like it's a documentary about manspreading.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) August 31, 2016
'i dont want u, youre ugly & worthless. WAIT. HOW DARE U SAY U DONT WANT MEEEE' -white male troll twitter— zahira kelly (@bad_dominicana) September 1, 2016
Donald Trump promises he'd create more jobs than any other President in history. But 99.99997% of those jobs will be fact-checkers.— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) September 1, 2016
*at gym for first time in months, chatting to personal trainer*— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) August 29, 2016
pt: what areas do you want to work on?
pt: say no more, fam
How To Talk To A Woman Wearing Headphones— Clare Coffey (@ClareCoffey) August 29, 2016
1. Create a podcast
the only thing more intimate than being in a google doc at the same time as another person is having them transcribe your interviews— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) August 30, 2016
Yoga instructor: Are u working w any injuries?— Liz Miele (@lizmiele) August 31, 2016
Me: Just emotional ones
successfully did my cateye liner on a moving train this morning, I feel invincible— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) September 1, 2016
Can we build the wall now, while trump is in Mexico?— Chelsea Handler (@chelseahandler) August 31, 2016
My workout for today was undoing the knot from the bag w/my Chinese takeout. Think I'll be sore tomorrow.— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) September 1, 2016
WARNING: Pumpkin Spice Latte season begins today. White people may be more insufferable than usual. Use caution.— Lauren Sivan (@LaurenSivan) September 1, 2016
My new book "Tweeting to Keep From Sleeping: A Memoir" will be available Spring 2017— smh. (@spokenELLE) September 2, 2016
The brain says "time for you to sit down and write." The body says "you haven't stared at the doorknob for a while, maybe do that instead."— Amanda (@Manda_like_wine) September 1, 2016
Everyday I tell my baby daughter she can be anything she wants to be when she grows up as long as she's Instagram famous— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) August 26, 2016
The best thing about working out and eating well is knowing that eventually I'll be dead and won't have to do this anymore— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) September 1, 2016
Him: I'm taking you out Friday— Race Jones (@Shugnice) September 1, 2016
Me: where ?
Him: it's a surprise
Me: will there be food ?
Him: I don't think so pic.twitter.com/ox0a2cmYI6