The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Legitimately considering getting pregnant to get a temporary break from PMS and horrible periods
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) September 5, 2016
it feels like the only qualification required for calling yourself an entrepreneur is having written "gamechanger" on a whiteboard once
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 8, 2016
I'm sad that I don't have runner's legs despite the fact that I haven't run anywhere in probably a decade
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) September 5, 2016
I can't relate to people that dress up for theme parties because that means they have more energy than the amount it takes just to show up
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) September 6, 2016
watching men play video games and sing poorly
— Julia Carrie Wong (@juliacarriew) September 7, 2016
so this apple event is basically college without weed
i need to buy a new bra so i did the math and if 300 people contribute $20 i should be able to afford one that will fall apart in 3 months
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) September 4, 2016
When anyone does or says something nice to me my first thought is "this is a setup."
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) September 7, 2016
If you say Rachel Roy's name on Beyoncé's birthday a puppy dies
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) September 4, 2016
Seeing all these burning man top hats has me thinking maybe John Wilkes Booth was just trying to save us from a terrible fashion trend
— ashley barnhill (@ashley_barnhill) September 7, 2016
Sometimes I take my old iPhones out of the junk drawer and listen to music on them because I've seen Toy Story and have a lot of guilt.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 7, 2016
Trump's interview answers are like when I didn't study for an essay test in college and tried to hide it by using lots of words.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) September 7, 2016
My kids just got Disneyland-level of excited about getting home-haircuts today. Keep their expectations low and be a hero.
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) September 3, 2016
How fast was this duck going? pic.twitter.com/ddjBc0VnHZ
— Scoots (@scootertooter7) September 2, 2016
These air pod headphone things aren't visible enough to signal to men that I don't want them to talk to me
— Veronica de Souza (@HeyVeronica) September 7, 2016
get thee a man who you would fuck, marry AND kill
— may wilkerson (@shutupmay) September 6, 2016
Why I’ll Never Date A Feminst
— WomanAgainstFeminism (@NoToFeminism) September 9, 2016
1. Too many opinions!!
2. They like women. that’s bad
3. None of them would ever date me
4. number 3 again
when is the appropriate time in a courtship to mention that your hair was, like many other luxury goods in our capitalist society, imported
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) September 9, 2016
you ever get your period and suddenly all the times you've cried in the past two days makes complete sense
— farwz (@farwzaz) September 6, 2016
Being a 90s child was weird, songs about lithium and heroin and "sex type thing"s remind me of kindergarten
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 7, 2016
lifehack: if yr blood pressure is too low, spend an hour on the phone w yr insurance co trying + failing to get mental health reimbursements
— Alanna Okun (@alanna) September 6, 2016
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