The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Me during this election: I want to speak to a manager.
— Nereyda (@TwittaHoney) September 14, 2016
glad we can all agree now that Obama was born in America and Donald Trump was hatched from the egg avatar of an racist Twitter troll.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 16, 2016
if i had my way all of my tweets would be @ replying dudes with "stop this you are a GROWN MAN"
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) September 12, 2016
Low-key curse for low-key enemy: "May you buy the perfect mascara but find that it makes your lashes bang constantly against your glasses."
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) September 13, 2016
I am not afraid to leave the uber review of "drove like he had unfinished business with the field of physics"
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 12, 2016
I can't remember why I walked into this room, but if you need to know the phone number of my best friend from third grade, I'm your gal.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 12, 2016
Activism takes many forms. For example you can be sitting in your living room, eating cereal, and retweeting. That is armchair activism.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 15, 2016
We have nothing to fear but:
— Erica (@SCbchbum) September 12, 2016
a. Fear itself
b. Trump supporters
c. Can't stress "b" enough
Area Woman Just Wants To Take A Nap
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) September 16, 2016
I saw my legacy revealed today when my kid stopped on our walk home to dig a candy wrapper out of a leaf pile "in case there was any left."
— Amanda (@Manda_like_wine) September 10, 2016
Childhood: I can be anything I want to be when I grow up!
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) September 14, 2016
Adulthood: Please someone just find me a job that doesn't make me wish for death.
If I showed you what my momma gave me it would be math skills, social anxiety and a lack of athleticism.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) September 16, 2016
Can somebody ask Neil Degrasse Tyson what would happen if you peed on a cloud
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) September 11, 2016
Did everyone on my timeline suddenly go to med school and become doctors & medical experts on pneumonia?
— Rowaida Abdelaziz (@Rowaida_Abdel) September 12, 2016
There's a perfume called Nirvana Bourbon. Nothing on earth has ever tried so hard to get my attention.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) September 10, 2016
Preparing for Trump's America by printing a bunch of leaflets just listing basic scientific and historical facts to pass out in the streets
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) September 16, 2016
Sorry, can't go see the new Blair Witch because I don't want to shit my pants.
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) September 16, 2016
Hillary felt faint and needed to lie down? Cool, every single one of us has done that at IKEA.
— Fiona Landers (@fionasings4u) September 11, 2016
Lady next to me on my flight sneezed and I didn't say bless you. I felt guilty but it's the south and any contact will turn into a long chat
— Sara Yasin (@missyasin) September 14, 2016
I always bring my grandma to a knife fight because her casserole brings all the boys to the yard and I think I messed up this format.
— Sadie Smith 2.0 (@SadieSkyNinja) September 16, 2016