The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Nothing says "this story is set in the near future" like characters buttoning their shirts up all the way.
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) November 1, 2016
Ever notice the people complaining about "happy holidays" are the same ones shouting "all lives matter?" 😂
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) November 1, 2016
I've already seen 497 pictures of people dressed as Suicide Squad Harley Quinn last night so I guess she's our next president.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 1, 2016
me: ugh I hate country music and everything about country
— farwz (@farwzaz) November 2, 2016
twitter: beyoncé is performing at the CMAs
me: pic.twitter.com/NIIVftGlzC
i'll show you a haunted maze, follow me around a Ralph's for 45 minutes as I hold a can of tuna I think I maybe want to buy but I'm not sure
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) November 1, 2016
one good thing about this election is that there are places on earth with just animals. they have no idea that any of this is happening.
— Rebecca O'Neal (@becca_oneal) November 2, 2016
You know I check the shower/closets for murderers every night but I just realized I have no plan for what I'd do if one were actually there.
— Alie Martell (@aliemartell) November 1, 2016
You miss 100% of the shots you miss.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 1, 2016
A woman cut in front of me at the store with a box of tampons, ice cream, and wine in her cart. I wasn’t about to mess with that situation.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 1, 2016
If there is a dog in the office, my immediate new title becomes Chief Officer of Where Is Dog
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 2, 2016
That moment when a receptionist asks for your *second* child's DOB and you panic like it's the AP calculus test all over again. pic.twitter.com/W3VL1ZSpi2
— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) November 2, 2016
my mom is running the elementary school election and her kids are voting for their favorite book instead
— Julia Bush (@jabush) November 2, 2016
lmk if u want an absentee ballot
Halloween is a great time to test whether celebs are good at being rich or not
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) October 30, 2016
"we're not going to agree on this" is the polite way I inform someone that they're stupid as hell
— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 2, 2016
I need this election to be over so I can focus on holiday anxiety.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 2, 2016
Life Hack: If you've ever felt social anxiety, one quick way to ease it is to count down from ten and also be good enough to belong
— Kat Combs (@itskatcombs) November 1, 2016
Check your kids' Halloween bags. I'm missing a laundry basket full of broken sex toys
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) November 1, 2016
Last night someone bashed my car window & stole my purse so I hope this thief enjoys his 17 tampons, stale gum & Sephora rewards card.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 2, 2016
If you see “macaroni & cheese recipes” trending, it’s because I’m looking for the one with the fewest ingredients.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) November 1, 2016
Me: I guess we should probably put the Halloween decorations away.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 3, 2016
5yo: Why?
Me: Good point.
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