The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
I slept 15 hours last night. I took Benadryl and Benadryl took me.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 3, 2017
Since I can’t be sure when the midpoint of my life really is, I just have my crisis on a daily basis to make sure that I never miss out.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 28, 2017
I'd love to have kids so I could blame my lack of sleep on them.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 1, 2017
sweetgreen: ur salad will be ready at 1:45 pm
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) February 28, 2017
~1:46 pm~
me: 911 THIS IS AN EMERGENCY I DON'T SEE MY SALAD
Have you ever been early to something? People are calm and smiling, it's crazy.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 1, 2017
breaking image of jeff sessions getting arrested for treason pic.twitter.com/pbcmC1gVae
— INVISIGOTH (@spacecrone) March 2, 2017
me, watching great british bake show: nancy's gonna win this thing isnt she what an airy ciabatta
— Julia Bush (@jabush) March 2, 2017
upstairs neighbors, having sex: *sex*
My new favorite game to play... Is that lingering car my uber or my murderer?
— Calise Hawkins (@CaliseHawkins) February 26, 2017
Last night I dreamt that I had a pimple on my shoulder so I squeezed it and slowly two glass Coke bottles emerged and I bled to death. Coke®
— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) March 2, 2017
Each presidential spelling error creates a copy editor job in a factory in the Midwest.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) March 3, 2017
It must be amazing to wake up and want to leave your house.
— Jenni Konner (@JenniKonner) March 3, 2017
from left to right: me on twitter, facebook, tumblr, instagram, and linkedin pic.twitter.com/sLDFpPsgzk
— Michelle Lee (@heymichellelee) February 26, 2017
Convo-
— Ana Navarro (@ananavarro) February 27, 2017
Him: Can u explain the Oscar thing to me?
Me: Yep. We got a crazy man Moonlighting as President. It feels like we live in La La Land.
my mama just told me she doesnt like mexican food so im officially up for adoption
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) March 2, 2017
Recusing, but for Lent
— Margarita Noriega (@margarita) March 2, 2017
A bot that quote-tweets all of @realDonaldTrump's tweets with just "lol"
— Ashley Alman (@ashleyalman) March 3, 2017
I've been having an existential breakdown since learning I give off a "from Connecticut" vibe one hour ago
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) March 2, 2017
maybe he'll like me after the apocalypse: an essay
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) March 1, 2017
Trump ends most of his tweets with exclamation points because he thinks periods are gross.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 25, 2017
A handbag is my favorite way to carry around fourteen crumpled grocery receipts and an old almond.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) March 2, 2017
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