The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Ladies bear with me I haven't slept enough this week but if we hide all the guns in our vaginas, Congress will HAVE to regulate them!!!— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 4, 2017
What idiot called it Beauty and the Beast and not Saved by the Belle? pic.twitter.com/r1UIgfxqIj— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 5, 2017
The year is 2017. OJ Simpson is free, Tony Romo is an oracle, and Kim Kardashian is smarter than the president. pic.twitter.com/yYdmy5bBJ5— shauna (@goldengateblond) October 1, 2017
"I'd like to buy a gun"— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) October 4, 2017
"Here ya go!"
"I'd like to buy a Claritin."
"Ok, I need your name, photo ID, signature, fingerprint, lock of hair,
I need 70 cocktails 40 xanax, sex, a spa, a massage, medical marijuana, a bath, an IV, a manicure, a cupcake and a hug— Bethenny Frankel (@Bethenny) October 5, 2017
At this point, no matter what movie Liam Neeson is in, I worry one of his family members will be kidnapped— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 5, 2017
i'm sorry, but one of my small joys in life is calling it Rick & Marty.— Caitlin Van Horn (@HelloCVH) October 3, 2017
[in Obama voice] let me be perfectly clear: we all used AIM to have cybersex and thats about it— Ej Dickson (@ejdickson) October 6, 2017
[Cam Newton voice]— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 5, 2017
It's funny to hear a male politician talk about uteruses like, it's funny.
Should I download Bumble? Everyone keep recommending it to me. Caveat: I hate men.— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) October 4, 2017
what if we tell the GOP that birth control is like a tiny little gun that protects our uterus— Geraldine (@everywhereist) October 6, 2017
it’s a well-known fact that any man who was alive during the 60s is physiologically incapable of *not* asking women to watch him shower— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) October 5, 2017
y'all i ran out of paper towels today and I swear, for a brief moment, I wished Trump would show up and toss a roll into the kitchen.— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) October 4, 2017
I’m dying. My mom bought this book for my 6 year old and I just called to ask if she had actually opened the book. She hadn’t. 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/inYCEaZKpV— tiffany (@Tiffany1985B) October 4, 2017
My friend who doesn't use Twitter just asked "What do you mean 'drag him'?" and I have never longed for my own past in quite this way.— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) October 2, 2017
HBO doc night. Beware of Slendernan. Slenderman??? creepypasta??? *puts Luna back in uterus*— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) September 30, 2017
honestly wtf is an acai— Ghoulia Bush (@jabush) October 5, 2017
me, when I'm sliding into your man's DMs pic.twitter.com/VKncG60OwM— Jenna Amatulli (@ohheyjenna) October 6, 2017
It's been a hard week. In search of ice cream.— Karen Attiah (@KarenAttiah) October 6, 2017
i'm no expert on vicious reanimated lumps of clay but i feel like not attacking women can definitely be an overnight process pic.twitter.com/3oYhB0Y0ku— Ellie Shechet (@ellieshechet) October 5, 2017