The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

it's "put a hoodie on so i don't have to put a bra on" season.

— king crissle (@crissles) December 1, 2017

How my mom and I watch Hallmark movies:

"Look at his/her stupid face"
"This plot is so dumb"
"This snow is so fake"

End of the movie: both sobbing

— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 27, 2017

I Did Not Think I Could Live Without A Microwave But Hey, It's Been Seven Months And I'm Thriving; I Guess 2017 Really *Was* The Year Of Revelation: A Memoir

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) November 26, 2017

my family's Christmas card this year lmao pic.twitter.com/A2L7wfsprN

— Emily Seawright (@cantseawright) November 26, 2017

QUICK LITMUS TEST ON WHETHER IT IS FLIRTING OR NOT: where are your pants

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 30, 2017

I'm just a girl
standing in front of a boy
asking him to not whip his dick out
especially in work contexts
I mean, honestly
this should all go without saying

— Geraldine (@everywhereist) November 30, 2017

My motto is, “I need to buy new bras.”

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 28, 2017

an advent calendar but every day it's a new fired man and on christmas it's santa

— Kelly Conaboy (@kellyconaboy) November 29, 2017

My sister is 90% done with her Christmas shopping and I am 90% done with this bottle of vodka.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 28, 2017

once in a fiction workshop my professor critiqued a scene because "women wouldn't ask about a hookup's performance in bed" and a girl replied "that's literally the first thing you talk about" and the way he said "oh" will stay with me til i die

— JINGLE🎄BELLISON (@girlinabasement) November 28, 2017

it’s a poor argument but if you’re going to make it, it should technically be a warlock hunt

— Sapna Maheshwari (@sapna) November 29, 2017

Yes, I have a playlist called "You Don't Deserve A Bullet" and yes I listen to it when I punch things, and yes, I'm accepting recommendations for said playlist.

— Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) November 29, 2017

Shout-out to everybody who had visitors to a big city over the long weekend and showed them how to stand to the right on the escalators and walk on the left.

— Laura Helmuth (@laurahelmuth) November 27, 2017

pic.twitter.com/Lb4mTUM9gU

— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) November 27, 2017

*opens can of spaghetti sauce and pours it on noodles* i am a chef

— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2017

Wondering what to get that celebrity man in your life for Christmas this year? Consider COMEUPPANCE!

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 29, 2017

me before and after i saw beyonce live for the first time pic.twitter.com/HbyC1xIAgp

— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 30, 2017

No thanks, malls. I shop from home without pants like a normal person.

— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 25, 2017

Challenge: a sadder 3 bodega item list than batteries, cat litter, and butter

— erin 🎄🎶gloria🎶🎄 ryan (@morninggloria) November 28, 2017

If getting my winter body ready means it looks like a snowman, mine's ready.

— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) November 29, 2017