The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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Hey baby are you an updated privacy policy because I’m definitely going to be ignoring you.
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) May 25, 2018
When everyone goes to sleep, that's when I sneak around Los Angeles and steal all the positive energy and good vibes people are sending
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) May 22, 2018
I am always so amazed at people who do not take advantage of EVERY amenity at a boutique fitness ™ class. like WUT? I am going to try EVERY lotion EVERY shower EVERY spray. I'm going to throw a bridal shower in the locker room if I have to.
— Melissa Radzimski (@melissaradz) May 20, 2018
no one is allowed to email me ever again unless it is to offer me money
— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) May 22, 2018
(My big studio pitch)
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 21, 2018
Okay, here it is: Tilda Swinton in a rom-com. Her love interest is the darkness within us all.
Venn diagram of men who get upset when I accidentally say “the” before a band name & men who don’t care abt gender pronouns is a perfect circle
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 20, 2018
live footage of me looking for something to live for now that the royal wedding is over pic.twitter.com/agEBnNpPzv
— emma lord (@dilemmalord) May 21, 2018
One day, you look in your cabinets and there's no tupperware. The next day, somehow, tupperware is so plentiful, it falls out when you open the cabinet door. And you realize you have too much tupperware and you don't know where they came from.
— Awesomely Luvvie (@Luvvie) May 23, 2018
Adulthood: a poem
Me, to myself: Okay, just be cool, don't say anything weird
— Not Sara (@smithsara79) May 22, 2018
Any woman: *says something that makes me laugh*
Me, out loud: THAT'S HILARIOUS WE SHOULD BE SISTER WIVES BUT WITHOUT THE HUSBAND
Just watered my succulents. Many are doing well. One is dead but I keep watering it anyway.
— roxane gay (@rgay) May 20, 2018
Welcome to adulthood. You have a favorite spatula now.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 22, 2018
me after i spray rose water on my face pic.twitter.com/K8j15jrPEd
— indie (@INDIEWASHERE) May 21, 2018
a weighted blanket, but for smothering my problems
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) May 22, 2018
hey sorry just gotta swing by madewell real quick to touch every item in the store then leave
— grace perry (@perryjetaime) May 24, 2018
I've never once spelled occasion or broccoli correctly on the first try.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) May 22, 2018
Dry shampoo makes me feel like I’m doing a good job at life for exactly one minute
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) May 23, 2018
me after my therapist says I need to start going outside and interacting with the world again. pic.twitter.com/1AZC0NyS0o
— king crissle (@crissles) May 22, 2018
me to baby ducks and geese: OHHHHH!!! tiny babies!! fluffy muffins!!! you small beautiful treasures!!!
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 22, 2018
me to human babies: hi there how is your family
does anybody know of a “no tears left to cry”-only dance party
— Estelle Tang (@waouwwaouw) May 22, 2018
I’m just a girl
— Allison Tolman (@Allison_Tolman) May 24, 2018
Sitting in front of a computer
Holding a phone
Which is open to the same website as the computer I’m sitting in front of.
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