The 2016 Election: How I Lost (My Sense of Humor)

When The Donald rode down the escalator with an entrance that would make Wayne Newton blush, I laughed out loud, giddy with the thought that a whole new bucket of satire just dropped into my lap. This was a joke, right?

I grew up in Queens, Long Island, New York just a stone's throw away from The Donald, where The Donald types multiply like rabbits. Brash, self-centered, entitled bullies, they're the template for the mobsters in "Goodfellas." They're self-righteous, primping peacocks who look down on women and minorities and who need to be the center of attention all the time... like TV pundits Hannity and O'Reilly - both from a Long Island 'hood. But they don't run for President. So, The Donald announcing his run was amusing. I envisioned gaudy TRUMP gold letters atop of the White House. I visualized his revamping of the Oval Office and state rooms into garish, "third world dictator chic." Then I thought, nah, never happen. I had faith. Americans are way too savvy to elect a snake oil salesman to the presidency. He'd have his fifteen minutes, everyone would snicker and guffaw then reality, as opposed to reality TV, would settle back in.

Then came the primaries. Surely, one of those traditional Republicans would knock him on his keister, right? Wrong!

"They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists," and The Donald was off and running, unleashing an ugly, dark side of many Americans. He bashed John McCain for not having sense enough to avoid capture, ("I like people who aren't captured") after he, himself, bone-spurred his way out of the draft altogether, and some Americans cheered. He called women pigs, fat slobs and worse, and some Americans cheered. He encouraged the support of white supremacists, and some Americans cheered. He promised to bring back torture, and some Americans cheered. He even bragged about the size of his penis, and many Americans laughed, including me.

But when he suggested that Hillary be handled by his 2nd Amendment followers, my sense of humor followed Elvis out the building. I hunted everywhere for it. I searched my house, then searched my hybrid SUV, but not a sense of humor anywhere. I did find an old "Don't blame me, I was for McGovern" button under the driver's seat.

I watched in amazement when his followers chanted "kill the bitch" and he said nothing. I watched with horror when he said that his followers should "knock the crap" out of a protester. I listened, stunned, when he suggested that all American Muslims should have ID cards. Perhaps sewn onto their clothing? And I just shook my head when he implied he lost the first debate because his mic was faulty. Wrong! I heard him just fine as he fumbled and stumbled, grunted and sniffled. He proved that he doesn't have the physical or intellectual stamina for a job that needs 24/7 concentration on things other than himself.

Then Trump tweeted his latest toddler tantrum against one of his former Miss Universe winners.

I desperately needed my sense of humor back so I searched my house and car again. I lifted my patio potted plants but only found two old house keys. I even plunged my toilet. Nothing came up but a Trump bumper sticker.

His latest WTF is that he's proud to have squandered almost a billion dollars, allowing him not to pay taxes for years... taxes which support our service men and women, our police and firefighters and pave our roads. "That makes me smart." What? Losing nearly a billion dollars is smart? He's proud of the fact that he files bankruptcies so he doesn't have to pay American workers, stiffs seniors and others who enrolled in Trump University, that his Trump merchandise is made overseas, as he rails against others for doing the same while promising new manufacturing jobs in America. Really, Donald? Why not start by bringing all your manufacturing jobs back to America? He's allegedly stolen from his own charitable foundation to pay for a portrait only Idi Amin could equal in narcissism! He's lined his own pockets with money donated by hardworking people to his campaign. He's also been fined for crooked business dealings, many of which are under investigation, and may have had illegal dealings with Cuba during our country's embargo. And he calls Hillary crooked?

Yet, none of this matters to the Trumpettes and Trumpsters. Their fear, hate and anger at the changing world has clouded all judgment. They salivate over his racist, homophobic, misogynistic sputterings and cheer when he says he'll make America great again, knowing full well that he means "Make White Male America Great Again" as they tip their "Made In China" hats to him.

This serial womanizing, lying, crooked Republican candidate has even encouraged his NRA supporters to patrol the voting polls... to walk around with their assault rifles and intimidate voters. What next, a call for a Kristallnacht against Muslim businesses and mosques?

I never thought I would lose my sense of humor. But then, I never thought I'd see the day when a cheating, multi-married, greedy, narcissistic, cotton-candy haired con artist, filled with venom and bigotry would ever be the presidential candidate for the once great but no longer Grand Ol' Party. That is no laughing matter.