As an online dating professional, one of the most common fears I encounter is women who have a fear of online dating. If you happen to fall into this spectrum, I can assure you that you are far from alone.
But the truth is, there is very little to fear if you approach online dating correctly and adapt the right mindset. By doing so, you will quickly find that most of your online dating fears are nothing more than wasted energy.
I’ve worked with women who were so paralyzed by fear that one actually broke out in hives prior to her first date. And even with all this anxiety, most of them still found themselves in long term relationships in the not so distant future.
So let’s take a look at some online dating tips that can help you to overcome or dispel some of the fears you may be having.
1. People will judge me
A lot of you single women fear being seen by others on a dating site, with the mindset that you will appear desperate or lonely for being on a dating site. This is a fear that should immediately be dismissed.
Online dating is not a place where the freaks, weirdoes, and desperate members of society gather to find love. Society has evolved, and with that evolution, the masses have come in droves to dating sites.
Sure, there are a lot of bad apples out there. But there are also a whole lot of successful, diverse, and kind-hearted singles populating the space as well.
Online dating grows every single day and will only continue to increase in popularity due to the technology based world we now live in. Anyone who would judge you for being on a dating site is not worth your time.
2. Fearing the worst case scenario
Did you hear about that woman last summer who got kidnapped on a first date and fed to wild animals?
No? Actually, neither have I. Because that never happens!
The reality is, online dating horror stories are so rare that they are almost negligible. If somebody is a bit off, it will usually be easily identifiable when you view their profile or email.
You can’t let your online dating fears convince you that you are one click away from being kidnapped by a psychotic predator. As long as you meet in a public place and don’t give away too much personal information about yourself, you will almost certainly be just fine.
The worst case scenario is almost always nothing more than a bad date with no chemistry. And as frustrating as bad dates can feel, I promise you that when you find the right person, you will look back on those dates with fond memories as a fun and crazy time in your life.
3. Making the 1st move
To this day many women are hesitant to initiate conversations online. Perhaps you are traditional or perhaps you fear that doing so will will make you appear desperate.
While it is completely understandable that you might prefer to be approached first, I would strongly advise changing this mindset. Doing so often saves my clients months, and sometimes even years of being single online.
This is because the most in demand singles usually lead very busy lives. The more busy they are, the less time they have to browse online dating sites, perform searches, and initiate conversations of their own.
So while you are waiting for someone great to find you on a dating site, often times they don’t even realize you are out there. By making the first move, you are putting yourself directly in front of the people you want to attract, and drastically increasing your odds of scoring a desirable date.
4. Not knowing how to write a profile
Believe me, I get it. Writing about yourself isn’t easy. Believe it or not, I’ve been hired by English Professor’s, journalists, and even best selling authors to write their profiles.
But truth be told, it isn’t as difficult as you think. My best advise is to focus on all the best aspects of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you are going in life. I highly recommend writing these things down as part of the brainstorming phase.
Once you have some material to work with, don’t overthink it. Just free write. Pretend you are having a conversation with a friend and simply write how you speak. Don’t think. Don’t stop. Just write.
Once you stop writing, then you can go back, edit, provide some structure, and fine tune the details.
If you still have no idea what to write, one of my most popular Huffington Post articles can be found here, which will teach you 7 online dating profile tips that will make you the type of woman others will practically fight over online. Or you can read this article that will teach you how the best online dating profiles market themselves.
5. Not knowing what to write in your emails
This is another unnecessary online dating fear. But once again, just don’t overthink it.
As long as your profile is set up correctly, your email doesn’t have to be some mind blowing and captivating work of art. I assure you, the New York Times will not be reviewing and dissecting your every word. Neither will your potential dates.
The average person will usually respond to your email regardless of how interesting it is, as long as it doesn’t send any red flags, shows some effort, and they like your profile.
My best advice when you write emails is to focus on a commonality that the two of you share or something the other person is passionate about. If you can be playful as well with your message, even better.
Don’t be too complimentary, don’t write overly long emails, never get sexual, and make sure you proof read.
If you’d like an even more detailed tutorial on writing emails, you can find some very useful tips for writing a first email here.
6. How we met will seem lame
Meeting online is not lame. You know what’s really lame? Romantic comedies where people bump into each other in a random location, hate each others guts at first, start to like each other, fall in love, have a big misunderstanding, realize they had a big misunderstanding, get married, and live happily ever after.
Life isn’t a movie. Just about nobody has a truly memorable where we met story. And even if you do have a memorable story, nobody else is really going to care all that much.
Is it worth passing up on finding the potential love of your life online because you’d prefer friends and family to say “awww” the 1st time you share your origin story about how you met at a coffee shop reading the same book?
To drive the point home a little further, every time I talk about how I met the love of my love online and knew she was the person for me after just one date, I get a emphatic “awww.” It’s not about where you met, it’s about the love you share that becomes worthwhile.