I'm producing The Black Social Network play next week; it's one of 40 short plays to appear in the prestigious Atlanta Black Theatre Festival. In the play, one of the characters, Jasmine, is going through a breakup in real life, and she posts everything imaginable online, to the chagrin of her soon-to-be ex.
Jasmine's behavior is real. There are many single people out there who don't want to be single, and yet, they keep posting things that will, in fact, keep them single.
Without further ado, here are The 6 Types of Posts That Are Keeping You Single
6. The "Pretty Face Trapped Inside a Filthy House" selfie. Your hair is feather soft and tossed; or healthy and naturally loc'd; or fried, dyed and laid to the side, and it's perfect. Your makeup is flawless. Your camera-ready pout is kissable, and you must show the world.
When everything is just as it should be, you take a selfie; that's just what social media celebrities such as yourself do. No one will judge you, that is, unless you post a selfie in a pigsty.
You look at the selfie and you see your beauty; but everyone will see that messy room in the background. Your photo will become a viral meme. You will forever be known as the cute girl with the filthy house and no one will want a relationship with you. Clean up your crib, and then, get dressed and take the selfie.
5. The 'My Ex is Crazy' post. Leave your ex alone, physically, mentally and on your social network. Nothing is more unattractive than a person who badmouths their ex-lover. Why? A potential mate may fear you would badmouth him/her as well, and will steer clear of you.
4. The 'I'm So Drunk and I Can't Get Up' after the club photo. The drunk photo can never work in your favor if you're looking for a relationship with someone. Best-case scenario is that you'll attract a fellow barfly. The worst-case scenario is that the 'I'm so drunk' photo could get you canned if the wrong person shares it.
3. The "I've Lost Weight; Look at Me in My Bra and Panties," photo. Nothing screams 'I'm thirsty for attention,' like a grown person who posts a selfie while clad in their underwear. Think before you post; do you really want to put yourself out there in your tighty-whities for creeps to daydream (or worse) about you? Are you cool with co-mingling with your coworkers/customers knowing full well that they've probably seen you in your underwear? Can you withstand the fame if, God forbid, your weight-loss selfie becomes a viral meme? The best way to show weight loss is the traditional before and after picture of you wearing the same (or similar) clothing. Leave something to the imagination.
2. The "I Woke Up Like This" photo. There's only one Beyoncé. One.
Sure, Bey can take a black-and-white photo with her fresh face nestled underneath crisp white sheets and look like a million bucks, but the everyday working person probably can't get away with that.
It's cool to join the "I'm gorgeous without makeup," bandwagon, just as long as you cheat a little with concealer and a soft photo filter--or five. As my friend Maze Jackson once said when a makeup-free campaign hit his Facebook timeline with varying degrees of attractiveness, "You need to keep doing what got you there." That is, look presentable in your public photos; reserve that morning face for the person who is actually lying next to you in the morning. That level of intimacy is not for public consumption.
1. The Ultimate Revenge post. Recently a young lady posted a photo of the hair that she cut from her sleeping man's head. She explained in the post that she cut off a 'loc for every direct message that he received from another woman. Wait, it gets worse; the hairless guy responded to her post and they began a heated exchange on Facebook.
Some women applauded the woman for taking the scissors to her cheating lover's long 'locs; others were horrified. Bottom line is that if the young lady finds herself on the market for another lover, many men, may avoid her because she likes to cut things off while her lover is asleep.
Whenever you post, tweet or share something online, keep in mind that someone is watching you and you're giving them a glimpse of who you really are--before you ever meet.