By: Matt Meltzer
These days, flying is right up there with going to the dentist and doing your taxes on the list of things people hate. All the pain, but no free toothbrush or refund check. Between awful people at TSA, flight attendants who hate you, and never-ending delays, it's a wonder anyone ever goes home for the holidays.
And while there are probably a thousand things that make flying absolutely awful, we narrowed it down to the worst 99.
1. Crying babies. Screaming babies. Babies who look at you the wrong way. All babies, pretty much.
2. Anyone taking up too much overhead bin space with a bag they were too cheap to check
3. And justifying it by saying "They ALWAYS lose my luggage"
4. The airlines actually losing your luggage
5. When your flight arrives at gate A2, your connection in 10 minutes will 100% be at gate Z79
6. People who stand on moving walkways when you only have those precious 10 minutes. Or ever.
7. The dude taking a conference call from the toilet stall
8. Those jerks whose nut allergies have ruined peanuts on planes for everybody
9. Kids kicking the back of your seat, and unapologetic parents
10. Boarding passes that're completely indistinguishable from the Burger King receipts in your pocket
11. People don't actually look like ants AT ALL
12. The guy who should've been required to buy two seats asking if he can put up the armrest
Credit: Flickr/Brian Herzog
13. Women who somehow get their Pomeranians classified as "service" dogs and act oblivious to the fact that their bag is barking the entire flight from LA to Miami
14. People who think being told to turn off their electronic devices is a legitimate cause for revolution
15. The yogi who needs to stretch in the aisle during a 90-minute flight (unless she's super hot)
16. Families who guilt you into taking the middle seat because they booked last minute but still want to sit together
17. The Dunkin' Donuts line before a morning flight
18. The sheer terror of hearing a cockpit announcement from "Captain Brody"
19. Thinking a little too much about the laws of physics
20. That guy who thinks the whole plane wants to listen to Skrillex
21. The people who run up four rows as soon as the plane lands and the seatbelt light goes off, saving them a whole 15 seconds deboarding
22. Bag drop lines that don't move. Seriously, how long does it take to drop a bag?
23. Flight attendants interrupting a nice in-flight viewing of Everybody Loves Raymond to tell everyone about the 10,000 bonus miles you'll get when you sign up for a credit card
24. Two words: Spirit. Airlines.
25. TSA telling you, "You look a lot younger in this picture"
26. The fear of having your guts sucked out if you accidentally hit the flush button
27. Seeing there're four flights ahead of you at the baggage claim carousel
28. And the only food available is a $3 bag of Famous Amos from a vending machine
29. Freezing for an entire flight because you saw a 20/20 (60 Minutes, 48 Hours, whatever) exposé on airplane blankets
30. Turbulence boners
31. The person who doesn't understand the definition of "shoes" in the security line
Credit: Flickr/Jetstar Airways
32. People who recline their seats
33. People who won't let you recline your seat
34. People who actually get in fistfights over reclining seats
35. Anyone who doesn't know the drill at TSA -- aka everyone in front of you
36. Seatmates who want to chat
37. Forgetting your headphones, especially when you're sitting next to that person
38. Those steakhouses they list in the magazine really AREN'T the 10 Best in America
39. Anyone who's ever hit on a flight attendant. You ain't no Stan Zbornak, pal.
Credit: Flickr/Bethany Nowviskie
40. The endless temptation of Skymall
41. They don't give you plastic wings or let you tour the cockpit anymore
42. Regretting that 64oz soda you drank in the terminal when you hear, "We're 12th in line for takeoff. Please remain seated." over the intercom
43. No, the hot girl is not going to sit next to you
44. Bars that DON'T give you a double for $2 extra
45. Status whores
46. JFK Airport. Just, all of it.
47. In-flight farts
48. Gate agents who press random keys on a circa-1986 IBM to look busy so they don't have to help you
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