I have always known on a rational level that the world is out mirror. We see beauty or we see chaos. We see abundance or we see lack. We see struggle or we anticipate a lesson. As Einstein said, "the most important question is whether or not you believe in a friendly or a hostile universe." It's all based on our perception. If you talk to a group of people all at the same party or working in the same office, even two people experiencing a similar loss you will see how no two people will experience it the same way.
Whilst reading "Life Loves You" by Louise Hay, I had a breakthrough. This all applies to relationships too. Don't like someone? It's not them, it's you. Someone made a comment that upset you? It's not their comment, it's you. Is some making you crazy? Well, no one or nothing can actually make you crazy. Only you can make yourself crazy. Hear me out on this one!
The book posed this brilliant question, "do you think a flat tire can really give you a headache?" Think about that. Many times I have said things like, "work is making me stressed". "my to do list gives me anxiety." I have even said - "this person's company makes me need a martini!"
But in fact not an ounce of this is true. The only way a flat tire can give you a headache is if if spins off the car and hits you in the head.
This was so, so, so eye opening for me and it made me feel really empowered and in control. I think about it all of the time when I start thing about external factors bothering me. Here is how I apply my recent breakthrough to my day to day living:
- When I get an email about a problem I remember it's not the content of the email but the approach I decide to take that will determine how things work out.
- When my husband is late rather than complain I think of what I can do to occupy a few minutes well, often I catch up on texts with my sisters or my girlfriends.
- I don't take things personally. Like you, everyone else's life is a mirror of their own thoughts and circumstances. If a colleague or client or friend of mine seems short with me or distant or unhappy I understand that it's not because of me. I give them time and patience and focus on my own business.
- if someone makes a comment I interpret to be unkind I check myself and understand that there is one of two things going on. Either I am attaching a negative connotation to the comment and need to drop it. Or perhaps the comment might hold some truth but the fact it was expressed in a way that did not feel kind means that the comment is actually about the other person and how they are feeling in that moment, not about me.
- if I feel nervous to approach someone I remember it's my fear of them, not the person themselves, that's generating the fear. The more you love yourself, the less fearful you are of anyone. Your relationship with every single person in your life is a direct reflection of how you feel about yourself.
You don't have to get on board with every thought you think or feeling you experience. Thoughts and feelings are totally changeable and which ones you choose are up to you! How awesome is this truth? I hope it had even a touch of the impact on you that it's had on me.
It is my turn to hear from you. Have you had any breakthroughs recently that have changed how you see the world? Please share them with me so I can learn from you! Leave me a comment in the comments box below and I look forward to continuing the conversation there!
Susie Moore is a Confidence Coach based in New York City. Sign up for her free weekly wellness tips via her website