It began with my parents divorcing.
The search.
For something, anything, and everything.
The search for answers outside of myself.
My parents' divorce was traumatic for me. At the age of 13 my mother asked me whether she should leave my father.
I said yes.
Pain, regret, and remorse were my dominant emotions for years afterwards.
Is it any wonder that I sought answers externally to internal problems?
As a result of my parents' divorce, my father tried to kill himself.
I wore an emotional weight from the age of 13 to the age of 20 years, far bigger than I could handle.
In those years I sought solace in drugs, sex, food -- eating and throwing it up, and floundered from job to job.
I was searching for the answers to my problems in the external world.
I never thought that the problem was internal, the problem was my thoughts and emotions about my parents' divorce.
The problem was not something that lies in the external world, there was no magic solution, the drugs, boys and mayhem were not the solution, they exaggerated the problem.
What happened around when I turned 20?
My mom apologized.
I apologized to myself, and I set out on the path to learn about life coaching. Not for any other reason but for selfish reasons. My life was a mess, I was a mess, I knew I had to change my thinking but didn't know how. Life coaching provided me with a different perspective. It showed me that I shouldn't look externally to the solutions to my problems, but rather I should look within.
I had come full circle. I remember having been introverted and inquisitive of the nature of one's inner world as a child, prior to my parents' divorce, now after 7 years I was back at the start.
I was not looking within, asking myself, "What was it in me, that needed to change?"
Finding your own way in a noisy world can be challenging, but the world externally is a reflection of the internal world. If you want to see changes in your world you must change yourself.
Go within, the answers you seek are inside you, take time out for solitude and reflection and you'll be guided to the next step along your journey.
Stop looking externally for what you need to look within for. The answers to creating your ideal life are inside you.
___________________
If you -- or someone you know -- need help, please call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you are outside of the U.S., please visit the International Association for Suicide Prevention for a database of international resources.