I used think that if you worked hard enough in life, you could "force" your will upon the Universe, and thus, get whatever you wanted. A few years ago I realized the error of my ways.
Having broken my heel for the second time in a year, I was desperate to heal as quickly as possible. I kept praying to be healed, all the while trying whatever magic oil/ pill/ exercise/ healing ritual anyone recommended to me in an effort to heal faster. None of it worked.
Then one day I had a conversation with my friend Paulette. "Do you want to heal?" she asked me.
"Of course," I said, and proceeded to list everything I was do-ing in my effort to heal.
She shook her head. "That's your problem."
"What?" I stared at her dumbfounded.
"You're do-ing. You need to allow your body time to heal, to recover, to grieve [I had just gotten a divorce the week I re-broke my heel]." Her point? I was praying for healing and then self-sabotaging by over-doing so no healing was actually occurring.
Our conversation was a huge 'aha' moment for me. Yes, you have to ask for what you want, and yes, you have to let Universe know you're serious about it. But then, you have to get out of your own way...
That day, I stopped fighting against the Universe. I prayed, I journaled, I rested, and I let go. I allowed healing to occur on its own time, in its own way. Likely this would have all happened much faster had I done this from the beginning, but life is nothing but a lesson...
I get questions every day from women who want to manifest their heart's desire: a new job, a child, a Soul Mate, a friend... Heart felt stories of loss, grief, and heartache. I listen; I ask questions, I suggest different ways of thinking of be-ing. But it boils down to this: if you want to manifest something, you have to ask for what you want and then get out of your own way.
Dr. Mary's 7 Steps to Manifest What You Desire
- Figure out what it is that you actually want - when I decided to start dating after my divorce, I made a list (phrased positively) of what I wanted in a partner. While that may sound simple, it actually took me months to really and truly finalize that list. I would go out on a date and then add something. I would go out with another man and cross something off or rephrase it because it wasn't presenting itself the way I wanted it to. Three pages and about a full year later, I had my "final" list.
- Figure out why you want it - this is as important as step 1. What will you do with X [insert what you want]. How would it make your life better? "Because" is not a reason. It also needs to be fairly specific. "To be happy" doesn't cut it either. If you are trying to manifest your Soul Mate, think long and hard about why. Are you trying to fend off loneliness? Looking for a man to take care of you? Want a partner you can share your life with? For the Universe to deliver, your motivations need to be clear and they need to be of good intention. Wanting to "out do" someone or use them to feel better about yourself won't work.
- Believe you're worth having it - This is the biggest stumbling block I see. You can get specific about what you want and why you want it, but until you believe you are worth it, you will not manifest it. A few years back, I had a friend who wanted to manifest a white Jaguar convertible. I asked her why and she shrugged. She just decided one day that it was something she wanted. That's all fine and good, but it doesn't cut it. As I started probing, we got to the bottom of it. To her, having that car would mean that she had "arrived," that she was a person of worth. Now there may be better ways to prove your worth and I wasn't sold on a car being that proof, but that's a conversation for another day. The moral of the story is this: you have to believe you're worth it. Until she fully believed this, she didn't manifest her car. Once she convinced herself she was worth it, she got her car in less than one week.
- Ask for what you want - Yes, you actually have to ask. Do not skip this step. Don't assume God/Goddess/Universe knows what you want, especially when you keep changing your mind. And if you are asking for something and not getting it, go back to steps 1-3 and make sure you are crystal clear about what you want, why you want it, and believe that you deserve it. If that doesn't work, go to step 5.
- Take action, but not in a forceful way - after you ask, you have to show Universe you are serious. For example, if you want to manifest a trip to Costa Rica, start looking at how much you'd have to save up to go where you want to go. Check out a book about traveling to Costa Rica from the library. Make sure your passport is valid. Or, let's say you want to manifest your Soul Mate. You need to get out of the house - go to places where you can meet new people, join a meet up group, get on a dating site, etc. You get the idea. You don't want to control everything, but you do need to take a few steps in the right direction.
- Get out of your own way - This means two things to me: 1) ask for what you want and then let it go. You have to stop trying to control the who/what/when/how/why of whatever it is that you are asking for. 2) be prepared for it to show up a little bit differently than you thought you wanted. My friend who wanted a Jaguar wanted a brand new one, but she couldn't afford one. Instead, she manifested a used, but in very good condition, white Jaguar convertible that was within her budget.
- Wait for it - Universe doesn't do well with deadlines. Occasionally I have been able to manifest a certain thing in a certain time frame - the more emotion I put behind my request, the faster I tend to get it - but typically Universe is on its own time schedule. For example, when I decided I wanted to start dating again, I was told "You're not ready." I probed further and asked when I might expect to meet the man who met my 3-page list of requirements and was told, "December." I promptly forgot that I had this conversation with the Universe. I took Summer off of the dating scene, but when Fall came around, I decided to try again. I dated off and on. October was disastrous, as was November. But low and behold, December 5, I met him. Two weeks later, I remembered my conversation with the Universe. Ahh... yes. Universe most certainly operates on its own time.