by Dimitri Ehrlich
According to a new poll, 100% of non-idiots now realize that Donald Trump is not only a terrible president but also a terrible person. In fact, his polling numbers are so dismal among the non-idiot population, that yesterday the so-called “president” fired his communications director and then stood behind a curtain screaming and spewing spittle as he dictated this press release--which we regret we are not making up--this actually happened yesterday:
“President Trump has a magnetic personality and exudes positive energy, which is infectious to those around him. He has an unparalleled ability to communicate with people, whether he is speaking to a room of three or an arena of 30,000. He has built great relationships throughout his life and treats everyone with respect. He is brilliant with a great sense of humor . . . and an amazing ability to make people feel special and aspire to be more than even they thought possible.”
Clearly, nobody who is “brilliant” or has a “great sense of humor” would belittle his staff by dictating such an absurd statement. But while Trump seems to lack the part of the brain responsible for irony, wit, and common sense, fortunately there are still some brave souls out there who have continued to fight the good fight, with humor and art. One sign of the aesthetic resistance is the appearance in random locations across America, of small objets d’art masquerading as counterfeit coins. People have begun reporting finding quarters with Trump’s profile on one side, emblazed with the words “trust me” and “insanity.”
Back in February 2016, when New Jersey governor (and man who didn’t understand the message of the documentary “Supersize Me”) Chris Christie, dropped out of the race for president, a bus driver from Atlantic city named John Morris was leaving work when he noticed one of the Trump quarters. “I was sorting through change in my cup holder in my car and looking for quarters,” says Morris, 33. “Every once in a while I look at the change because a few years ago they were designing new coins for each state. And I look at this one quarter and it looks totally different, and it has the face of Donald trump and it says, “Take a dump on Trump.” On the back is it’s a regular quarter. On the front is trump’s face carved and it says “insanity” on the left and “trust me” on the right.”
A quick Google search revealed that Morris was not alone. Morris discovered news stories about a woman in Florida and someone else in San Francisco, both of whom had also stumbled on the odd-looking currency. “I still keep it on me,” Morris says of the coin. “I’m not really into politics, but it’s pretty clear what’s going on. You don’t need to be in politics to know what Donald trump is about it.
A few months later, Bridget Anderson, a 42 year-old college administrator living in Brooklyn, was getting coffee from the truck outside her office when she found her Trump coin. “I was walking into my office building and I dropped my change and when I picked it up, I couldn’t figure out what the profile was. What caught my attention was that it was a shiny new coin. And as I looked at it did a double take because it made no sense. And then I realized what it was.”
“It looks like the real thing but of course it has to be a joke,” Anderson says. “Clearly, it’s not an official coin. It’s no surprise people don’t like this man, and would try to get under his skin. But I began to wonder how many of these exist? How many of these quarters are there in the world? It raised a million questions with no answers: if someone only made one of these coins, what are the odds I would get this? I would love to know how many other people out there are find them, are there ten in circulation 10,000? Someone’s having fun, I think.”
For now, the quantity and source of the coins remains a mystery. Of course, it will be a wonderful day when the acridly narcissistic short-fingered vulgarian currently occupying the White House is impeached and imprisoned. But in the short term, we may have to content ourselves with smaller gestures.
Sometimes real change begins with fake coins.