'The Bachelor' Season 18, Episode 1: Juan Pablo Starts His 'Aventura'

Welcome back to the wonderful world of white wine tears, roses, grammatical incorrectness and two-month journeys toward engagement. That's right, "The Bachelor," has returned -- this time with the ever-adorable former pro soccer player and single dad Juan Pablo at its helm. This season, we'll be recapping the highlights of each episode in haiku.

10 Haikus About Juan Pablo's "Aventura"
El Bachelor's here
To speak the language of love.
Shirtless destiny.

Bach-on-Bach talk time.
Shirtless Sean meets Shirtless Juan.
"Go in for the kiss."

It's an adventure,
Not a journey, says JP.
Cue the shower scene.

"Juan Pablo fever,
Has reached epic proportions."
Thanks, Chris Harrison.

Chelsie, Andie, Clare,
Nikki, Amy, Valerie.
What's the difference?

"Holy moly!" "Oh,
My gosh!" "She smells good." "She's cute."
"There's more here?" --JP

Shoeless free spirit,
Dog lover, Fake pregnancy.
He's finding true love.

Amy J. wants to:
"Pour my oils all over him."
Avoid that masseuse.

What should Lauren do?
Her fiancee just dumped her.
Def go on "The Bach."

Sharleen leaves her mark.
"Want a rose?," says Juan Pablo.
Pause, pause, pause, pause -- "Sure."

And The Final Rose Goes To...
SAFE: Sharleen with the first impression rose, fake pregnant Clare, Nikki, Renee, Andi, Alli, Chantel, Lauren S., Kelly (and her dog Molly), Cassandra, Danielle, Chelsie, Kat, Victoria, Christy, Lucy, Elise ::pause so Chris can remind us that it's the final rose:: and Amy L.
ELIMINATED: Kylie, Lauren H., massage therapist Amy J., Alexis, Christine, Lacy, Maggie, Valerie and Ashley

This Season On "The Bachelor"...
Unforgettable adventure! Amazing women! Sexiest Bachelor! Making out under waterfalls! Everyone's in love! Crying! Shots of Patron! More crying! Fighting! A bomb is dropped! So many emotions! Crying against a wall! Crying on the bathroom floor! Someone wants to go home! Juan Pablo could end up with nobody! Someone hopes Juan Pablo dies! This is Juan Pablo's life!

The Best Tweets About This Week's "Bachelor":

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