We open with Chris Harrison telling Chad to fix his relationships with the other guys, at the end of last episode. He walks into the house, shirtless. He and Evan have words, going back and forth about who was disrespectful to whom, and then it tapers off, because it's boring so the producers cut away from it. Jojo comes over for the pool party, in all her sexy glory. She takes off her shirt and reveals her bikini top, and all the guys ejaculate. Then, because she is Fun in addition to Hot, she takes shots with the guys and frolics in the pool. Fun is had by all.
Jojo makes out with Jordan the ex-football player, and she can see herself falling for him. She doubts if he's into her the way she's into him, and she tells him this, and he worries that he isn't being vulnerable enough for her. Not being vulnerable enough is tantamount to murder on this show, so he is well within his rights to be terrified.
The guys tell Jojo that there is a security guard in the house because of Chad, and you can see Jojo getting upset by that. Chad and some guy have an altercation where Chad says, "Just because some guy like me stole your girlfriend, that wasn't me." Narcissism in action. But yet we can see the self-doubt underneath, sometimes. This other dude notes that Chad may be here for the Wrong Reasons. Bam.
Rose ceremony. Will Chad get a rose because Jojo likes bad boys, or will he get a rose because the producers told her to give him one? Or will he not get one and the drama level on the show will tank? Probably not that last option. Yup, he gets a rose, and the mood among the dudes is Somber. But not for too long, because everyone needs to pack for a special surprise trip! To Bali! No, that was some other season. But it will be a Bali-equivalent.
The guys meet Jojo in this new place that isn't Bali. It's Pennsylvania. Not kidding. Bali better be coming up later in the season or these guys should sue someone. Breach of unspoken contract.
It's Jojo's first one-on-one with Luke, who won't win, or else he would have gotten more air time before this. They ride on a dog sled and then she asks him to chop wood before they get into the woodfire hot tub. She says he's in impeccable shape, no "pec" pun intended. Commercial for Botox for migraines. I tried that years ago and it didn't work for me. But don't let that dissuade you, fellow migraineurs! Back to the hot tub, and it's too hot for delicate flower Jojo, so he helps lower her in and gets a butt grab in too. Good multitasking, Luke.
Jojo says that Luke is a beautiful looking GQ model but she wants to know him on a deeper level. So he needs to throw out a dead parent or a similar past trauma if he wants to stay in the game. Over dinner, she says that she had immediate chemistry with him, and he has a relaxed confidence about him, and she's really drawn to him, but she wants to know what made him that way. He describes being a small town kid from Texas who got recruited to play football, and then went into the military as an officer, and being in charge of all those people's lives made him who he is today. Then he discusses a friend who was killed in combat, and I told you someone was going to die in this story.
Jojo melts, and then Luke discusses that he is an emotional guy, and looking into Jojo's eyes and knowing he may be with her forever gives him chills. Now he is squarely in the game, and even a front-runner. Luke gets the rose, obv, and they make out. He discusses how going outside your comfort zone is so important, and then they go to a concert where they dance on stage in front of lots of random people. This show is not for introverts, guys.
Group date. Football field, with pro football players who are apparently super big deals. All of the guys get aggressively competitive on the field, and James ends up bleeding, which makes Jojo squeal. The medic says he needs stitches and he refuses, because he wants to stay on the field. That's pretty impressive, mostly because it portends a guy who will be able to get up with the kids in the middle of the night one day because he can deal with the pain of sleep deprivation with similar equanimity.
Back at the house, Chad and Alex argue, and Chad says that it seems like the only way to shut Alex up is to hit him. That foreshadows that Chad will go home, since they are making him look particularly malevolent.
On the football field, Evan says he feels dangerous, which is funny because he is the least dangerous guy there, or in a five mile radius. The guys play hard, and the white team is winning 14-0. Jordan obviously does a bang up job, but that's not really fair, since he was an actual football player. Evan gets a nosebleed, which is super manly. Then someone does something with the ball, and the blue team wins. Football, so mysterious. Chase of the white team is frustrated because apparently his team sucked.
Group date, and Jojo canoodles with the ex-swimmer guy, whose name I forget. Oh, Robbie. They make out on the pool table, and she says, "He's a man. He makes me feel sexy. There's something in Robbie that's going to blow me away." Maybe that thing is a tremendous penis. Or maybe it's a venereal disease! You just never know.
Now Jojo makes out with James, the stitches-refuser, and now she and Jordan talk. She says she has a lot of questions about him, and he makes her nervous because she can't read him. Jordan, make up a dead person story quick or you are on the precipice here. Instead, he tells her he is falling for her, and they make out in front of a fountain in the dark, and he ends up with the rose.
Back at the house, Chad and Alex get into it. Alex calls Chad the most insecure guy in the house, and Chad challenges Alex and then Grant to fight. This isn't going well for Chad. Chad and Alex pack their bags to head onto the two-on-one date and then Chad threatens Jordan, saying that he can find him after this show is over. The guys give Chad the silent treatment, because he is the ostracized animal in the pack.
Chad and Alex fly off in a helicopter to Jojo. Jojo says she had instant chemistry with Chad but she doesn't know if she feels it with Alex. Chad says that it feels like a one-on-one with a needy little guy in the background. Ah, humility. Alex tells Jojo all about how threatening Chad acts in the house. Jojo goes back to Chad and tells him that she's upset that he threatened to find Jordan after the show and beat his ass. Chad doesn't have much of a response, and Jojo walks away, frustrated, yet still cute. She cries, saying that maybe Chad is struggling because his mom just passed away, and then we cut to Chad, whistling ominously and approaching Alex.
Chad lays down next to Alex on the picnic blanket, telling him, "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed... I can't hurt you now without getting in trouble." We see that they have had some drama over both being Marines (I didn't know Chad was a Marine?) and something that happened with Sportscenter Live or something. Apparently these two have a history. Jojo returns and asked Chad if he threatened anyone in the house, and he half-deflects and half-admits. Jojo says she doesn't think Chad is who he says he is and she doesn't think physical violence is the way to solve problems, and gives Alex the rose while Chad skulks on the side, asking, "Am I getting pranked right now?"
Jojo and Alex canoodle under a blanket, and back at the house, the guys champagne toast once Chad's suitcase is removed. But what's this? Chad walks all the way back to the house and knocks at the door! To be continued next time, when we find out whether Chad will go on a murder spree after this public humiliation, or whether he'll just be invited on Bachelor Pad next time. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Probably The Latter.
This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. Order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family. Learn about Dr. Rodman's private practice here. This blog is not intended as diagnosis, assessment, or treatment, and should not replace consultation with your medical provider.