The Bachelorette Recap: Cupcake's Insight Is Correct

Last time, after the shocker of Kaitlyn inviting Nick back for hotel room sex, we had an even bigger shocker, which was that Kaitlyn went to Shawn's room and "talked" with him telling him "he's the one" some weeks prior.  Shawn broke down telling a producer that he's so confused and this is WITHOUT even knowing she had sex with Nick.

So now, we open with Shawn going to Kaitlyn's hotel room to ask if she loves him, and she says she's falling in love with him, after giving him a look like, "Um, the producers told you not to ask me that."  They make out, but Shawn still seems ambivalent about remaining on this farce, I mean, show.  Kaitlyn cries in her confessional about sleeping with Nick, making sure to elucidate that she's not guilty over the sex, but over having the sex when she's in a relationship with other guys.  Just in case you thought she was against premarital sex as a whole.

Kaitlyn continues to feel guilty about lying to and cuckolding all the other contestants, which, at the very least, indicates that she's not a sociopath.  The two-on-one date is with JJ and Joe.  I wonder if she'll sleep with either of them, both or them, or just excuse herself to use the restroom while on the date and booty call Nick.  It's kind of weird that as she's on this picnic with these two guys, she is likely remembering the intercourse she just had with another guy.  I mean, I am as pro-sex as the next person, but I dislike the lying going on here.  These guys are on national TV and they deserve to know what the viewers do, namely, that Kaitlyn just did the deed with another dude.

The southern guy, Joe, tells Kaitlyn he's falling in love with her.  JJ tells Kaitlyn he cheated on his ex-wife, which isn't too unexpected given that he acts like a jackass in every other situation.  I think JJ lucked out confiding in Kaitlyn at the moment that she is feeling guilty for having virtually cheated on all the other contestants with Nick.  She's probably a bit more forgiving of this than she would have been prior to the rendezvous.  Oh but check it out, she doesn't give him the rose. Joe doesn't get the rose either, because she "needs more time" with him.  Like an overnight in a hotel.

Shawn continues to have a crisis of faith, centered around Kaitlyn having told him off camera that he's "the one."  Is anyone else thinking the Bachelorettes should be screened for impulse control issues?  Joe comes back and tells the guys that he's falling in love with Kaitlyn and their date was very romantic, and Shawn again has to leave the room.  This guy needs an emergency phone session with his therapist.  I think he's headed back to her hotel room again.  Every moment on this season makes me cringe in anxiety and embarrassment.

Yup, Shawn is yet again in Kaitlyn's hotel room.  She cries on camera while waiting for him to arrive, saying how frustrated and anxious she is that she thinks he's going to leave.  Then she basically has a breakdown.  Hold up, is she going to tell him about Nick?  She seems to be leading in to a confession.  But now he's hijacked the confession and he's going to confess something to her.  He brings up how she talked to him off camera and that's why he's upset.  She says she's relieved that he didn't find out about Nick.  She's starting to erode her likability here.  Bring back Britt!

Kaitlyn says that if she and Shawn are ever going to end up together, he has to deal with the fact that she's going to be involved with other guys.  Man, he doesn't know the half of that.  I don't know if she's aware that she's a huge liar or not.  She seems to have convinced herself that Shawn doubts her because of something inherent to him.  It also may be that she projects dishonesty because she's dishonest.

Cocktail party, where Kaitlyn says, "I'm not perfect and I make mistakes," which unsettles the guys because she's obviously alluding to a Big Secret.  Shawn says to the camera that he's 100% sure that she's referring to telling him off camera that he's the one.  He is going to feel like one big blue-striped-socks-wearing moron when he finds out the truth.

At the cocktail party, it turns out that Ben noticed that "something happened" with her and Shawn, because he was in the shower that night while Kaitlyn was telling Shawn he was her numero uno.  Kaitlyn has been playing fast and loose, pun intended, with the rules of this show, and the guys are noticing.

Nick sits down with Kaitlyn and shares that he's insecure about her bizarre overdramatic allusions to having a Big Secret.  Now she tells him that she wants him to keep their sex on the DL.  He gets defensive, saying he has been discreet, and then he starts crying, I guess because he worries that he did basically brag about their connection repeatedly to the other guys.  Kaitlyn melts in response to Nick's tears and how he says that he hopes they'll be together for the rest of their lives.

Shawn, wearing an absurd blue sport coat, sits down with Kaitlyn and she tells him she regrets "reassuring him" so much, by which she means, breaking the rules of this show and telling him she wanted to end up with him approximately two weeks into the show.  Kaitlyn apologizes to excess for this, because subconsciously she wants to apologize for her real mistake, which was sleeping with Nick.  She says they need to take a step back and he needs to realize she'll be meeting people's families (read: sleeping with contestants' hot brothers and then pretending she didn't).

At the ceremony, Shawn gets the rose.  Big Ben and some guy we never heard much from will be going home.  She's into broody neurotic guys, not stable ones.  Ben cries and says his mom would have loved to meet Kaitlyn.  Not when she watches the whole season!

Jared and Kaitlyn drive together to Killarney while the other guys take a bus together. There's a small bittersweet moment when Shawn seems to joke around a bit with Nick.  His distrust of Nick seems to be softening, just in time for him to inevitably be whacked in the face with the fact that Nick had sex with Kaitlyn and hid it from the rest of the guys.

Jared and Kaitlyn kiss the Blarney Stone and he says he's so lucky to get to do this with the girl he's falling in love with.  Not as lucky as Nick got.  Jared and Kaitlyn make out and drink champagne and he says that he and Kaitlyn have so much in common, like they are "both so transparent" which literally made me laugh out loud.  

What's this?  Chris Harrison shows up at Kaitlyn's door.  And they have sex.  Not really (yet). Instead, he is offering Kaitlyn a new set up. She's going to have fantasy suite time BEFORE family hometown dates.  So in order to prevent mutiny, she'll have the chance to have sex with five guys rather than two or three.  She says, "The more I think about this, the better an idea I think it is." Hell yeah.  More sex, and she doesn't even have to confess to the guys about Nick because of this crazy "equalizing" theory.

Her first sex date is with Cupcake. She wears an infinity scarf to symbolize how much sex she's willing to have in the next few days.  Cupcake and Kaitlyn have a picnic and she tells him she's stressed out.  And now she's crying into her infinity scarf.  Cupcake looks at her with supplicating, caretaking eyes, and she gets ready to dump him, I think.  Yes, she says her heart is elsewhere, even though he should be everything she wants.  And, humiliatingly, he tries to convince her that she's "just scared." And now he realizes the party's over, and there will be no Cupcake for dessert. Ba dum, ching.

Cupcake tells the camera that Kaitlyn doesn't know what she wants, which is extremely astute for a man with a baked good nickname.  He says, "Just looking at her, she's a mess."  Then he breaks down on the edge of the cliff, which is kind of anxiety-provoking to watch.  He cries, "I never see it," which must mean girls dump him all the time.  Poor guy.

Next time, she tells everyone she had sex with Nick, and the reactions are as you might expect.  And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, An Ounce of Not Sleeping With People Is Worth a Pound of Post-Sex Apologies.

This post was originally published here on Dr. Psych Mom. Follow Dr. Rodman on Dr. Psych Mom, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Pre-order her book, How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family.